User:Doc martin/players
From Hattrick
The current squad of Village Green Preservation Society
Contents |
Keepers
Neil Liard, England, 31
Brought in from Tatton Sykes for £1,337 in season 25. Due to miscommunications, both Zechner and Liard came in at the same time. Liard cost an extra £3 and that eventually extra quality was the difference as Liard established himself as the 1st choice for the team. Liard wanted to be a goalkeeper after seeing Sylvester Stalone in Escape To Victory.
Andy Wheatley, England, 24
Wheatley rose through the youth team ranks to stake his claim on the No. 1 Jersey for the first team. His love of strawberry iced doughnuts has made the local branch of Greggs the most profitable in Greater Manchester.
Defenders
Alain Nguyen-The, Belguim, 33
Le Grand Alain as he calls himself was brought in as a rock to base the VGPS defence on. He was picked up from Los Peters for £47,330. The Alain has patented several designs of balloon animal.
Ernesto Andrade, Portugal, 21
Costing £131,330 from franzdoria, Ernesto became the club’s record signing when he signed up to join the defence of Village Green Preservation Society. His favourite TV show is Zorro, The Gay Blade, and Ernesto is often seen in a verity of colourful costumes protecting the oppressed people of Horwich.
Glenn Bertram, Belguim, 19
Glenn came into the replace Christian Reitema in the Belgium dominated defence. Before signing for the club for a record £356,000, he was Chuck Norris.
Grant Lock, England, 23
Lock has provided defensive cover for Village Green for a number of seasons. It has been rumoured that he has been blackmailing Doc Martin because no other good reason can be suggested for him still being here.
Ko Eilert, The Netherlands, 32
Form may be temporary, but class is permanent. This explains why Ko has only had limited opportunities in the first squad. He has popped up at wingback, centre-half and in midfield. Ko’s goal scoring feats have kept him in the squad. Eilert’s father runs a chain of nudist colonies. He was one of Doc Martin’s first purchases from Donkey Fighters costing £32,667
Matthew Madeley, England, 21
Matthew Madeley doesn’t like to speak of his father. His mother was a young television researcher who was seduced by television legend Richard at a xmas party. When not being VGPS’s most promising defender, he spends his time calling up Richard and Judy competitions just hoping to talk to the father that has disowned him.
Zheng Choon Hui, USA, 25
Zheng 'Name That' Choon Hui was Reno's 8th cheapest Dean Martin impersonator before he choose to bring his football career to England. He signed from Real Quelch for £142,670.
Midfielders
Abad Araníbar, Bolivia, 22
Abad was discovered by Christian Missionaries. Such was the magic in the little boy’s boots; they gave up their quest to convert as many natives as they good and formed a cartel of football agents. Aranibar was brought in to add a bit of steel to the midfield. He arrived from Barrio OsoRio for a fee of £8,334.
Augustus Kan , The Netherlands, 30
Augustus ‘King’ Kan has worked his strange sort of magic in the midfield and defence of VGPS. As a boy he was a yo-yo fanatic until an unfortunate incident on his 11th birthday with a goldfish and his aunt meant he never touched another yo-yo again. He arrived from FC weetniet for £13,334.
Francis Perraudin, England, 20
The Perraudin family lived in a 4 bed semi near Holmes Chapel. His father changed the family name from Perrin in 1984 because he had an unfortunate likeness to Lenard Rossiter. From then on the family all pretended to have descended from exiled French Aristocracy.
Gert Madsen, Denmark, 17
Mad Gert enjoys three things in life, playing football, eating raw meat and listerning to his hairdryer. Gert spends most of this wages of hairdryers which is strange because he is bald. He signed from FC Antidote for £1,334.
Juan Luis Matía, Spain, 19
Coming in from Transylvania Ber for £333,334 Juan Luis loves playing on Hattrick because he tends to sleep from 3pm to 4.30 so is unable to play in normal leagues.
Merv Cowan, Canada, 38
Ol’ Merv is the father figure of the VGPS dressing room. He often is seen handing out the Werther’s originals to his colleagues. Seen by many as past it when he arrived from FC CLUJ for £6,670, his energy, experience and goal scoring exploits quickly won him fans.
Sebastião Chibante, Portugal, 22
According to Seb’s mother, his father was a freedom fighter from the future, sent back 40 years to protect her from an evil robot by Sebastião from a post apocalyptic future. That robot went on to become Prime Minister of Italy. According to the neighbours, Seb’s father was the local priest who was seduced by Seb’s 16 year old mother. Obviously Seb was the laughing stock of his village and responded by smacking footballs at those who mocked him. He was forced to leave town after causing more injuries that the doctor could handle. He arrived from RedTeam01 for £16,670.
Xaco Castro, Spain, 22
Xaco has almost repaid the faith in him shown by Doc Martin Much was hoped of Xaco when VGPS paid £21,334 to accipiter fc for his services, but he has spent season after season playing reserve matches. Much of the criticism is aimed at his love of fine wines by the barrel load.
Wingers
Baltasar Sánchez, Spain, 19
Baltasar was brought in by Doc martin for £41,330 from Shevchenko to rule the wings of Div VI. He didn’t. He did however get at least 6 local women pregnant so all his wages go on child support.
Joaquín Gerez, Argentina, 25
Signed from Los Fenix F.C.A for £47,330, it was hoped he would bring in some South American flair on the wing. While he has played well, it can not be a coincidence that Meccano started disappearing from houses around the stadium when Joaquin arrived.
Jonathan Gunn, England, 22
Jon Gunn failed every exam he took at school. His parents had never told him what his own name was and so couldn’t write it on the exam papers. He left home to make is fortune, with tales of a city paved in gold down south. Sadly he couldn’t operate the ticket machines, so ended up playing at the club round the corner, Village Green Preservation Society.
Strikers
Luciano Paauwe, The Netherlands, 18
‘Lucky Luci’ was born to RAWK. He had the looks, he had the drive, he had the vision. He didn’t have the talent, the voice or the songs, but that didn’t stop him trying. Inspired by the success of Midland Railway on the local scene, he thought there must be a place for him, but sadly that niche was now filled. He threw his guitar into the corner of his room, and the crash it made was probably the sweetest sound it made in its life. He returned to Holland, playing for Berends United before being transferred to Village Green for £44,000.
Miladin Vilotijević, Sweden, 18
Purchased from Styrian Struggle, Miladian is an enigma. Off the field he dresses in a black cloak and sulks around insulting people and pushing grannies down lift shafts. On the field he does pretty much the same, but dresses in the club strip.
Toni Seilheimer, Germany ,20
Everybody hates Tony. He signed from Redfrog United for 90,000 and brought with him a legion of people who came just to boo him.
Tranquillo Ledermann, Switzerland, 18
‘The C of’ Tranquillo grew up in Geneva. His first job was peeling protons off of lumps of cheese to feed into the CERN particle accelerator. He took to football after a tarot reader foretold his death in a freak Tau-neutrino accident. He was signed for £66,670 from RBC United.
Valdemar Overgaard, Denmark, 20
Valdemar became the club’s record signing when he joined from AC Ruoska for £116,670. As a child, Valdemar struggled to come to terms with him just being an unused variable in a server somewhere and it took several years of treatment for him to come to terms with his virtual existence.
