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== From the manager ==
 
== From the manager ==
=== Free Pizza opens Crabzönspor ===
 
:''Posted 10 July 2013''
 
FPFC spokesman Washington O'Ghirardelli called a press conference today announcing that the organization had opened up sister club [[Crabzönspor]] in Windale, New South Whales.
 
 
O'Ghirardelli was immediately bombarded with questions from the confused reporters, like why this announcement seemed to be coming over half a season since matches began, why a local catering company like Syracuse Banana would agree to be the shirt sponsor of a soccer club on the other side of the world, and why they were expected not to notice that the man sitting quietly in the back wearing a dollar-store Groucho Marx disguise was really club owner C.R. Abgoblin.
 
 
Jumping up and throwing off his ill-advised mask, Abgoblin abruptly cancelled the conference, declaring that they would "rue they day they crossed me, or my name isn't Constantine Robespierre Abgoblin!"
 
 
Thanks to teiroleiro, refar1, and Adamowy for work on kit and logo designs.
 
 
 
=== Coaching changes at Free Pizza ===
 
=== Coaching changes at Free Pizza ===
 
:''Posted 29 March 2013''
 
:''Posted 29 March 2013''
This week's match was marked by the absence of Raphael Hutchins on the sidelines, after an apparently contentious falling out between club owner Constantine Abgoblin and the 44 year-old coach. The two men had reportedly arranged a duel of sorts involving french baguette cudgels, but no one was injured as the authorities arrived and broke up the altercation before it started.
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This week's match was marked by the absence of Raphael Hutchins on the sidelines, after an apparently contentious falling out between club owner Crab Goblin and the 44 year-old coach. The two men had reportedly arranged a duel of sorts involving french baguette cudgels, but no one was injured as the authorities arrived and broke up the altercation before it started.
  
 
Hutchins has been replaced by former ginger defender Seth Avery. Avery played mostly for the Argentine club Estúpido Flanders and for Serrinha in Portugal, before finishing his career in Italy at Real Tizzi and then retiring to Free Pizza as an assistant coach to Hutchins in season 49.
 
Hutchins has been replaced by former ginger defender Seth Avery. Avery played mostly for the Argentine club Estúpido Flanders and for Serrinha in Portugal, before finishing his career in Italy at Real Tizzi and then retiring to Free Pizza as an assistant coach to Hutchins in season 49.
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Spokesman Washington M. O'Ghirardelli announced the partnership during a season kick-off press conference, where new uniforms were also unveiled. Construction on the stadium began last week, and according to O'Ghirardelli the expansion will add room for almost 11,000 additional spectators. Finnish designer Danska was credited with contributing to the uniform design.
 
Spokesman Washington M. O'Ghirardelli announced the partnership during a season kick-off press conference, where new uniforms were also unveiled. Construction on the stadium began last week, and according to O'Ghirardelli the expansion will add room for almost 11,000 additional spectators. Finnish designer Danska was credited with contributing to the uniform design.
  
After laying a trap for him using a sign promising tickets to a local Carl Douglas concert, we were able to ask maverick team owner Constantine Abgoblin about the deal.
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After laying a trap for him using a sign promising tickets to a local Carl Douglas concert, we were able to ask maverick team owner Abner Goblin about the deal.
  
 
"I put that s*** on everything! What else do you want me to say?"  
 
"I put that s*** on everything! What else do you want me to say?"  
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Seadogs' team held 55% of possession, but the young team couldn't get past Pizza's formidable back four. Pizza's scoring was led by a hat-trick in the first half by Johnny Wilhelm, followed by second half goals by Cacapava, Kilchenmann, and Ingram. Wing-back Sam Quan was awarded the Man of the Match, and Muller-Huwen took home his third clean sheet of the season.
 
Seadogs' team held 55% of possession, but the young team couldn't get past Pizza's formidable back four. Pizza's scoring was led by a hat-trick in the first half by Johnny Wilhelm, followed by second half goals by Cacapava, Kilchenmann, and Ingram. Wing-back Sam Quan was awarded the Man of the Match, and Muller-Huwen took home his third clean sheet of the season.
  
C.R. Abgoblin, eccentric man about town and Pizza's manager of almost three seasons, was visibly happy about the result. With his thick eggnog-moustache, we were able to pull him away from his celebrations for just long enough to get his comments on the game.
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Crab Goblin, eccentric man about town and Pizza's manager of almost three seasons, was visibly happy about the result. With his thick eggnog-moustache, we were able to pull him away from his celebrations for just long enough to get his comments on the game.
  
 
"I'm really proud of the team today, and now that we have been given HT Stage access, I would have to say that this new goal button is pretty freakin' sweet!"
 
"I'm really proud of the team today, and now that we have been given HT Stage access, I would have to say that this new goal button is pretty freakin' sweet!"
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:"Continued expansions were already planned, but we have pushed forward the schedule, and the construction of an additional 3800 seats has begun immediately and will be ready for our next league match against Anuban Wattana," O'Ghirardelli reported.
 
:"Continued expansions were already planned, but we have pushed forward the schedule, and the construction of an additional 3800 seats has begun immediately and will be ready for our next league match against Anuban Wattana," O'Ghirardelli reported.
  
We visited enigmatic club manager Constantine Abgoblin at his mountaintop castle lair to get his thoughts on the expansion:
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We visited enigmatic club manager Abner "Crab" Goblin at his mountaintop castle lair to get his thoughts on the expansion:
 
:"Bwahaha! Our plan worked! All we had to do was post flyers around the Syracuse University campus, with nothing but the team name, dates and times for our matches, and the address of our stadium, and the students came pouring in! I knew that the hordes of starving undergrads and overworked grad students wouldn't be able to resist a poster advertizing free pizza!"
 
:"Bwahaha! Our plan worked! All we had to do was post flyers around the Syracuse University campus, with nothing but the team name, dates and times for our matches, and the address of our stadium, and the students came pouring in! I knew that the hordes of starving undergrads and overworked grad students wouldn't be able to resist a poster advertizing free pizza!"
  
 
Pizza is available during matches for $8.75 a slice.
 
Pizza is available during matches for $8.75 a slice.
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=== Thank you ===
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:''Posted 6 January 2012 by crabGoblin''
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To start off here, I want to thank the board for giving me this exceptional opportunity to manage this team, and to assure the fans, players, and everyone else that I am committed to this club.  I'm here for the long haul, and I see great potential for growth and, of course, many wins.  We are all sorry to see Mr. AtlantaHotspur go, since he has done an excellent job with the team so far this season, and left me a team in a very comfortable first-place standing on the table.  This does not mean I am going to sit back, though, and I am replacing coach Orr with my good friend Alejandro Doncel.  Also with several transfer prospects in mind, I am very optimistic that we will finish the season strong so we can look forward to next season in the fifth division.
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:—crabGoblin
 
{{col-end}}
 
{{col-end}}
  

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