Free Pizza F.C.
|Full name||Free Pizza Football Club|
|Founded||January 6, 2012|
|Arena||Frank's® RedHot Arena (capacity 29,650)|
|Manager||Constantine R. Abgoblin|
|Affiliated clubs||F.P. Crabzönspor|
The Free Pizza Football Club is an American professional soccer team located in New York that was founded in Season 47. The club currently plays in the fifth division of the United States league system, and is managed by Crab Goblin. Pizza's first team plays it's fixtures at Frank's® RedHot Arena, a venue with seating for 29,650 spectators. Caldera's head coach is currently Seth Avery, an American who had a successful playing career as a defender in Argentina at Estúpido Flanders and for Serrinha in Portugal. The Freeps Academy, Free Pizza's youth organization was involved in the establishment of the Star Wars league system, and currently plays in Coruscant, the upper league. The academy plays home matches at the nearby Colby Park. In Season 52, Goblin opened F.P. Crabzönspor, an affiliated franchise based in Newcastle, New South Whales.
- 1 History
- 1.1 Season 52 (May – August 2013)
- 1.2 Season 51 (January – May 2013)
- 1.3 Season 50 (October 2012 – January 2013)
- 1.4 Season 49 (June – September 2012)
- 1.5 Season 48 (February – June 2012)
- 1.6 Season 47 (November 2011 – February 2012)
- 2 From the manager
Syracuse, New York personality Constantine Abgoblin began planning the team that would become Free Pizza shortly before the start of Season 47. He was reportedly disillusioned with the state of the Syracuse Salty Dogs, especially after his failed takeover bid of the local club. He began recruiting amateur and semi-pro players from the area, and hired Johnny Orr as head coach. During planning stages the organization was referred to as the Caldera Football Club, but Free Pizza was eventually chosen instead. When the holding company for Atlanta Hotspur declared bankruptcy midway through the season, Abgoblin made a successful bid to replace them in the VI.800 league.
With operations fully underway, relations between Orr and Abgoblin quickly deteriorated, and despite the team's victory in their first league match, Orr was promptly dismissed and replaced as head coach by Alejandro Doncel Luengo, who had previously coached Spanish teams Ratones C.F. and Merida UD. Under Doncel's leadership, Free Pizza completed two successful seasons finishing 1st in division VI, and achieving promotion to V.131 for Season 49. Notably, in his tenure Doncel brought in Polish defender Dorian Wilczura and the young Swiss keeper Magnus Müller-Hüwen.
Upon promotion however, Abgoblin and Doncel no longer saw eye-to-eye on the future of the club, and assistant coach Raphael Hutchins was promoted to Doncel's position, who returned to Europe. The American Hutchins had a successful playing career in Europe, notably for the Swedish side Schtaan AIK, Troll Team in France, Bananenflanke Eutin in Germany, and Bancolese in Italy. Under Hutchins in Season 51, Free Pizza entered into a sponsorship deal with Frank's® RedHot cayenne pepper sauce, which included a shirt logo and stadium branding deal, and the new 26,000-plus-capacity Frank's® RedHot Arena opened a few weeks into the season. Hutchins also oversaw the addition to Freeps Academy youth players Ethan Petersen and Javier De La Cuesta to the first team roster, and the club's first million-dollar signing with Turkish winger Nasip Comert.
Amid continued mediocre league results, Hutchins was acrimoniously replaced halfway through Season 51 and replaced with Seth Avery. Avery played most of his career for the Argentine club Estúpido Flanders and for Serrinha in Portugal, before moving to Italy at Real Tizzi and then retiring to Free Pizza as an assistant coach to Hutchins in season 49. In Season 52, Abgoblin opened F.P. Crabzönspor, an affiliated franchise based in Windale, New South Whales.
Season 52 (May – August 2013)
Season 51 (January – May 2013)
Sacked head coach Raphael Hutchins
Season 50 (October 2012 – January 2013)
Season 49 (June – September 2012)
Hired assistant coach Seth Avery of Real Tizzi (ITA.VIII)
Season 48 (February – June 2012)
Hired assistant coach Raphael Hutchins of Bancolese (ITA.VIII)
Season 47 (November 2011 – February 2012)
Sacked coach Johnny Orr
From the manager
Free Pizza opens Crabzönspor
FPFC spokesman Washington O'Ghirardelli called a press conference today announcing that the organization had opened up sister club Crabzönspor in Windale, New South Whales.
O'Ghirardelli was immediately bombarded with questions from the confused reporters, like why this announcement seemed to be coming over half a season since matches began, why a local catering company like Syracuse Banana would agree to be the shirt sponsor of a soccer club on the other side of the world, and why they were expected not to notice that the man sitting quietly in the back wearing a dollar-store Groucho Marx disguise was really club owner C.R. Abgoblin.
Jumping up and throwing off his ill-advised mask, Abgoblin abruptly cancelled the conference, declaring that they would "rue they day they crossed me, or my name isn't Constantine Robespierre Abgoblin!"
Thanks to teiroleiro, refar1, and Adamowy for work on kit and logo designs.
Coaching changes at Free Pizza
This week's match was marked by the absence of Raphael Hutchins on the sidelines, after an apparently contentious falling out between club owner Constantine Abgoblin and the 44 year-old coach. The two men had reportedly arranged a duel of sorts involving french baguette cudgels, but no one was injured as the authorities arrived and broke up the altercation before it started.
Hutchins has been replaced by former ginger defender Seth Avery. Avery played mostly for the Argentine club Estúpido Flanders and for Serrinha in Portugal, before finishing his career in Italy at Real Tizzi and then retiring to Free Pizza as an assistant coach to Hutchins in season 49.
We would like to clarify that the word 'former' in "former ginger defender" referred only to 'defender', and not that he is no longer a ginger.
Free Pizza and Frank's® RedHot
To begin season 51, Free Pizza management has announced a new sponsorship deal with Frank's® RedHot brand cayenne pepper sauce. This includes a team match jersey deal as well as a major renovation to SRC Arena, now named Frank's® RedHot Arena.
Spokesman Washington M. O'Ghirardelli announced the partnership during a season kick-off press conference, where new uniforms were also unveiled. Construction on the stadium began last week, and according to O'Ghirardelli the expansion will add room for almost 11,000 additional spectators. Finnish designer Danska was credited with contributing to the uniform design.
After laying a trap for him using a sign promising tickets to a local Carl Douglas concert, we were able to ask maverick team owner Constantine Abgoblin about the deal.
"I put that s*** on everything! What else do you want me to say?"
Free Pizza is King of the Mountain
This afternoon saw Free Pizza spare no mercy in knocking Bluecano off to take the USA King of the Mountain title, with a merciless 6-0 victory.
Seadogs' team held 55% of possession, but the young team couldn't get past Pizza's formidable back four. Pizza's scoring was led by a hat-trick in the first half by Johnny Wilhelm, followed by second half goals by Cacapava, Kilchenmann, and Ingram. Wing-back Sam Quan was awarded the Man of the Match, and Muller-Huwen took home his third clean sheet of the season.
C.R. Abgoblin, eccentric man about town and Pizza's manager of almost three seasons, was visibly happy about the result. With his thick eggnog-moustache, we were able to pull him away from his celebrations for just long enough to get his comments on the game.
"I'm really proud of the team today, and now that we have been given HT Stage access, I would have to say that this new goal button is pretty freakin' sweet!"
NickE is in Italy
Some people asked me about Nicky Escobedo, since he kinda dropped off the map there a couple weeks ago. He got signed by some Italian team. Sorry I didn't tell anyone, I hope nobody called the cops on a missing person or anything.
Clemente Ordonez promoted to first team
I'm pleased to announce that our very own terrific number twenty-two has accepted a contract for Free Pizza's main squad. Ordonez has distinguished himself thoroughly since we opened up the academy last season, as I'm sure he will continue to do during his new challenges in professional soccer. Congratulations Clemente!
Continued stadium expansion
Spokesman Washington M. O'Ghirardelli has announced that further construction has begun for JFS Construction Stadium, after the club's first sold-out match on Sunday:
We visited enigmatic club manager Constantine Abgoblin at his mountaintop castle lair to get his thoughts on the expansion:
Pizza is available during matches for $8.75 a slice.