Tight Butthole Derby

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The TBH Derby (Head-to-Head)
Rioting.jpg
View of the streets of Berwyn, Pennsylvania, USA, after a LOAF'S LOAFS home loss in PK's on 16 Dec, 2011.
First Match 09.16.2010
Country  USA
Region Pennsylvania
Zone North America
Stadiums The Bakery and Deez Memorial Stadium
Teams Battle Toads FC& LOAF'S LOAFS

The Tight Butthole Derby is an American USA Derby originating in Pennsylvania, more specifically in the suburban-Philadelphia area. The teams consist of Battle Toads FC and LOAF'S LOAFS. A total of 26 people have died in the aftermath of such a heated rivalry, which has seen many intense matches since its inauguration on September 16th, 2010.

Battles

Statistics

Date Type Venue Score Winner Goals Series to date
9-16-2010 Friendly Deez Memorial 0-3 LL Urner (1), Brych (1), Gamarra (1) 1-0 LL W1
10-14-2010 Friendly The Bakery 3-2 LL Urner (2), Sherril (1, 2), Lytle (1), Andersz (1) 2-0 LL W2
11-8-2010 Series Deez Memorial 4-1 BTFC Lorion (1), Mosley (1), Nicoló (1), Kansala (1), Vahasaari (1) 2-1 LL L1
12-6-2010 Series Deez Memorial 7-1 BTFC Nicoló (2), Mosley (2,3,4), Andersz (2,3,4), Benavides 2-2 L2
1-6-2011 Friendly The Bakery 0-1 BTFC Sampayo (1) 105' 3-2 BTFC W3
3-7-2011 Series The Bakery 3-0 LL Visentin (1), Carmo (1), Aranda (1) 3-3 W1
3-10-2011 Friendly Deez Memorial 2-0 BTFC Kansala (2), Lorion (2) 4-3 BTFC W1
4-18-2011 Series Deez Memorial 0-5 LL Ulstrup (1), Aranda (2), Koch (1), Ciesielski (1), Vahasaari (2) 4-4 W1
6-6-2011 Series The Bakery 3-0 LL Urner (3), Holmes (1), Koch (2) 5-4 LL W2
7-7-2011 Friendly The Bakery 1-0 LL Ulstrup (2) 6-4 LL W3
8-8-2011 Series The Bakery 3-0 LL Lucas (1), Ciesielski (2), Visentin (2) 7-4 LL W4
9-26-2011 Series Deez Memorial 0-3 LL Lucas (2), Visentin (3), Urner (4) 8-4 LL W5
10-27-2011 Friendly Deez Memorial 3-1 BTFC Koch (3), Mosley (5), Swartz (1), Nasierowski (1) 8-5 LL L1
12-8-2011 Friendly Deez Memorial 0-2 LL Visentin (4), Benavides (1) 9-5 LL W1
2-16-2012 Friendly The Bakery 1-1 (3-4) BTFC Balsiger (2), Loeffen (1) 9-6 LL L1
4-16-2012 Tournament Neutral 3-0 LL Harman (2), Alvisi (1) 10-6 LL W1
9-27-2012 Friendly Deez Memorial 1-0 (114') BTFC Mosley (6) 10-7 BTFC W1
10-15-2012 Tournament Neutral 1-0 BTFC Mosley (7) 10-8 BTFC W2
10-26-2012 Single Game Neutral 1-0 BTFC Juan Carlos Hortúa (1) 10-9 BTFC W3
11-14-2012 Single Game Neutral 3-0 LL Emmerich Lessmeister, Peer Hansen, Alvisi (2) 11-9 LL W1
11-20-2012 Single Game Neutral 0-0 (4-1) BTFC N/A 11-10 LL L1
11-22-2012 Friendly The Bakery 2-0 BTFC Fukowski (1), Loeffen (2) 11-11 BTFC W2
11-24-2012 Single Game Neurtal 2-1 LL Lessmeister (1), Caneva (1)Harry (1) 12-11 LL W1
11-26-2012 Single Game Neurtal 1-0 LL Lessmeister (3) 13-11 LL W2
12-10-2012 Tournament Neutral 1-0 LL Engelen (1) 14-11 LL W3
12-25-2012 Single Game Neutral 2-1 BTFC Harry (2), Bronk, Lessmeister (4) 14-12 LL L1
1-1-2013 Single Game Neutral 2-0 BTFC Stoffel Vrede (1,2) 14-13 LL L2
1-14-2013 Tournament Neutral 2-0 LL Caneva (2), Baliger (3) 15-13 LL W1
2-19-2013 Single Game Neutral 2-1 BTFC Koivukorpi, Lorion (3), Caneva (3) 15-14 LL L1
4-1-2013 Tournament Neutral 3-2 BTFC Bronk (2), Vrede (3), Harry (3), Balsiger (4), Caneva (4) 15-15 LL L2
4-5-2013 Single Game Neutral 2-1 LL Brunner, Lessmesiter (5), Vrede (4) 16-15 LL W1
4-25-2013 Single Game Neutral 5-0 LL Brunner (2),Caneva x2 (6), Lessmesiter (6), A. Johnson 17-15 LL W2
6-18-2013 Tournament Neutral 7-0 LL Caneva x2 (8), Lessmesiter x3 (9), A. Johnson (2), Luis Carlos Acero 18-15 LL W3
11-14-2013 Friendly The Bakery 1-3 BTFC Hood, Pilbeck x2 (2), Kolvukorpi 18-16 BTFC W1
12-2-2013 Tournament Neutral 6-0 LL Lessmeister x2 (11), Brunner x2 (4), Overton, Irvin 19-16 LL W1
1-13-2014 Tournament Neutral 6-0 LL Lessmeister x2 (13), A. Johnson x2 (4), Brunner (5), Acero (2), Cheek 20-16 LL W2

Scorers

  • Only those that have scored multiple times will be listed. In bold are players no longer with BTFC or LL.
Player Team Goals
Emmerich Lessmeister LL 13
Tiziano Caneva LL 8
Scott Mosley BTFC 7
Kendrick Brunner LL 5
Johnny Visentin LL 4
Ryan Urner LL 4
Rafal Andersz BTFC 4
Stoffel Vrede BTFC 4
Mikey Balsiger LL 4
Abel Johnson LL 4
Nicholas Koch LL 3
Jean Lorion BTFC 3
Howie Harry BTFC 3
Ireneusz Bronk BTFC 2
Alvar Pilbeck BTFC 2

The George Bush Memorial Award

GBAward.jpg

This award is given after every season to the player that has accumulated the highest combination of Red and Yellow cards.

Red cards being worth 3 points, and Yellow cards being worth 1. There is also a 1 point bonus for scoring in the same match that you received a card, as well as 3 points awarded for instigating an injury.


Season 49

Assholes were tight as the teams met for the first and only time in a week 16 friendly. The score was 0-0 after 90', and in extra time, in the 113th minute to be exact, LL's Scott Johnson both won the GB Award and lost the match for his team, receiving his 2nd yellow of the game and an expulsion, and BTFC would score just a minute later on a tired and crumbled defense.

Player Team Yellows Reds Bonus (Goal + Card in same game) Caused Injury Total Points
Scott Johnson LL 0 1 0 0 3
Cary Dobson LL 1 0 0 0 1


Season 48

A new low had occurred in 48 as the teams played just once. Tensions were high in this tournament game as the clubs understood the consequences. Gerard Harman took home the trophy in a 3-0 win, scoring 2 goals and a yellow.

Player Team Yellows Reds Bonus (Goal + Card in same game) Caused Injury Total Points
Gerard Harman LL 1 0 1 0 2
Eli Loeffen BTFC 1 0 0 0 1


Season 47

47 saw 2 matches of disappointing rage. Mikey Balsiger won the award despite being known for his relaxed, pot-smoking hippy-like ways with a meager 2 points.

Player Team Yellows Reds Bonus (Goal + Card in same game) Caused Injury Total Points
Mikey Balsiger LL 1 0 1 0 2
Tyree Swartz BTFC 1 0 0 0 1
Jason Fortier LL 1 0 0 0 1

Season 46

The teams played 3 times as well this season, LL taking 2 of 3. Fans were enraged at the idea that Thibaud Lucas, Ryan Urner, and Tyree Swartz would have to share the award after receiving 2 points each, as the idea of sharing "goes against every single ideal and logic that the award stands for." Consequently, a new rule was in place, calling on the leading members of each fan group to have a knife fight to the death. The Yeast Army's Jason Alexander, also known as George from 90's sitcom "Seinfeld," was laid to rest later that day and now has a memorial outside The Bakery, LL's stadium. The trophy belonged to BTFC's Swartz.


Player Team Yellows Reds Bonus (Goal + Card in same game) Caused Injury Total Points
Ryan Urner LL 1 0 1 0 2
Thibaud Lucas LL 1 0 1 0 2
Tyree Swartz BTFC 1 0 1 0 2
Leo Kapus BTFC 1 0 0 0 1
Mikey Balsiger LL 1 0 0 0 1
Juliusz Fukowski BTFC 1 0 0 0 1
Heiko Betzenberg BTFC 1 0 0 0 1

Season 45

The teams played 3 times in 45, with LL taking all matches. The first matchup of the season was a Series VI matchup at Deez Memorial, and saw a record amount of cards as LL played unbearably aggressive both on and off the ball (4 yellows and 1 red total, 2 and 1 for LL, respectively).

As expected, Billy Holmes, runner-up in 44, broke David Carmo's points record of Season 43, posting a dramatic 9 points as the trophy returned to The Bakery.

Player Team Yellows Reds Bonus (Goal + Card in same game) Caused Injury Total Points
Billy Holmes LL 2 1 1 1 (329938937) 9
Tyree Swartz BTFC 1 0 0 1 (329938937) 4
David Carmo LL 1 0 0 0 1
Ireneusz Bronk BTFC 1 0 0 0 1
Scott Mosley BTFC 1 0 0 0 1
Hans-Martin Durisch LL 1 0 0 0 1


Season 44

The teams played 4 times in Season 44, with BTFC taking 3 of 4. Despite the first 2 games having no cards, the last 2 games were more than enough to satisfy an eager crowd.

Only 1 injury occurred in the 4 games, that being an unforced twisted ankle. BTFC's Jouni Kansala was the winner, who also posted a third place in Season 43.

Player Team Yellows Reds Bonus (Goal + Card in same game) Caused Injury Total Points
Jouni Kansala BTFC 1 0 1 0 2
Billy Holmes LL 1 0 0 0 1
Tyrone Lytle BTFC 1 0 0 0 1
Giancarlo Lamagna LL 1 0 0 0 1

Season 43

The teams played 3 times this season, LL taking 2 of the 3 matches. A total of 4 yellows and 1 red were taken, accompanied by 3 injuries (1 forced). David Carmo set the inaugural record for points in the GB Award with 7.

Player Team Yellows Reds Bonus (Goal + Card in same game) Caused Injury Total Points
David Carmo LL 1 1 0 1 Aschwanden (298423545) 7
Tomas Vahasaari LL 1 0 1 0 2
Jouni Kansala BTFC 1 0 0 0 1
Dusan Zunic LL 1 0 0 0 1