Difference between revisions of "User:The Croatian One"
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''"I'm not racist, I'm Englishist."''
''"I'm not racist, I'm Englishist."''
Revision as of 23:21, 29 November 2005
The Croatian One, also known as Catalyst2950, is a Croatian-born web monkey of profound genius, who is widely regarded as the most Croatian member of 5th Slot Fed. He developed the theory of Hattrick Blue, inspiring the Firefox plugin Foxtrick. And, not to forget, he is also one of the select few supporters of The Trains.
After his Hattrick Blue CSS was developed in late 2004, The Croatian One became world famous, an unusual achievement for a Croat. In his later years, his fame exceeded that of any other Croat in history (except Igor Stimac). In popular culture, his name has become synonymous with great intelligence and even genius, but sometimes sillyness. He even proclaims this himself, but he always does it in a very humble way.
He is deeply concerned with the social impact of web usability. His belief in CSS, usability, and non-greenness of the Hattrick page (the primary source of inspiration in his life), his awe for the scheme that is manifested on the internet show through in his work and philosophy.
He is also famed for his love of all things Microsoft except IE and his extensive egg collection which now totals 3 eggs and a polished stone that looks like an egg. Kind of. If you squint when you look at it.
In his spare time, The Croatian One spends his effort chasing girls with pink hair. A hobby that has thus led to his nickname among the community of "Little Pinky". But he also has private moments in his newly reconstructed Zagreb bunker enjoying German DVDs about boy-girl-relationships.
Further ideas include that little box that asks you if you really want to bid £2,000,000 for that solid defender.
Many people expect The Croatian One to succeed Slobodan Boban on the Croatian throne.
There are various versions of The Croatian One's origins and life before 2000. (See Last Millennium) The account that has traditionally been supported by most historians is as follows:
Little Pinky was born between January 1 and December 31 in the year 1980, in the Croatian country of Croatia. He lived with his mum, who made him ham sandwiches for lunch every day. With tomatoes and mayonnaise.
1987, the year Pinky learned to talk. Some say that 7 is a bit old to start chattering, but it has been one of his lifelong ambitions to make up for lost time. By the year 2005, he had more than made up for his lack of words in his younger days. The word count was far beyond anything the average man could comprehend.
By 1990 he had learned to walk. From the computer to his bed. And back again.
In 1997, The Croatian One was on holiday in Poreč. Poreč had become a center for CSS (Croatian Style Sheets). This was a great source of inspiration to the young Croatian One. Years later he was often overheard reminiscing on the head tags he experienced there for the first time. Suffice to say, the table years were over.
In 1998, he turned 18 and fell in love for the first time. With a girl called Brian. Who had a green beard. This was a relationship that unfortunately didn't last, as Brian confessed 3 months later that he is in fact a man. But thanks for the ham sandwiches. This was obviously a shock for someone of such a tender age and it took him years to recover.
2004 saw him sign up for Hattrick, despite being allergic to green. Something that stemmed back to his relationship with Brian. He got his team three days after submitting the application.
The year 2004, on the evening of August 3, The Croatian One emerged from his bedroom clutching only a piece of paper and a worn pencil, shouting "I have the plague". The origins of Hattrick Blue had been hastily scribbled on this now famous sheet. Down to the last blue pixel, the plan was ready. Upon entering the forums to tell people of his ground breaking discovery, he was met with indifference and contempt.
Not swayed by these flat earth believers, he set about realising his dream. A Rhapsody in Blue. Hattrick would never be the same again.
Work began earnestly on the new project. The doubts of the community were firmly put out of his mind, as he began the arduous task of dissecting the Hattrick page to consume its heart. The autopsy proved harder than expected as The Croatian One encountered non conforming HTML and a mess of internal formats. But his bloodlust had to be satisfied. The task, at times, consumed his soul, waking in a cold sweat, he would scribble ideas on a pad by the blue bean bag he took to sleeping on. These ideas formed the advanced theory of Hattrick Blue, and how all things are relative to a 12pt font. Surprisngly, at the time, fonts were smaller and not as well-formed as are the fonts we know today.
"I still need a quotes section, though..."
"It's a start."
"I like goth chicks with pink hair and tattoos."
"It was just a friendly Toby you English ponce"
"I'm not racist, I'm Englishist."
"I love moon110, he was my favourite hattrick player, and I miss him like I miss... well... nothing compares to him that i miss..."