LOAF'S LOAFS
 The LOAF'S LOAFS Unofficial Logo, featuring its slogan "LONG LIVE THE LOAF," also known simply as "LLTL" | |
| Birthdate | 10.08.2010 |
| Country |  USA
|
| Region | Pennsylvania |
| Zone | North America |
| Stadium | The Bakery |
| Fan club | The Yeast Army (1738 Fans as of 11/8/11) |
| League | V.54 (USA) |
| Current Coach | Terencjusz "Terrence" Myszko  (Since 11-2-11)
|
| Past Coaches | George Strange (08/10/10 - 12/24/10), Tom Frisch (12/24/10 - 11/2/11)
|
LOAF'S LOAFS is an American soccer club originating in Pennsylvania, more specifically in the suburban-Philadelphia area.
The Loaf
How it all went down
LOAF'S LOAFS came about as its founder/creator was attending a Star Trek convention in Las Vegas, NV, when it dawned on him that his life had taken a far too drastic turn for the worst. Hattrick then came to him later that night in a dream, as a possible consolidation between his geekish fetishes (pencils going in odd places) and his sports needs, such as regularly gambling and paying callgirls to run a 200m race in the local YMCA pool. The club was thereby founded on August 10th, 2010, as the owner was on the toilet with his laptop contemplating his next move in life.
Current squad
| AGE | NAT. | NAME | ORIGINS | SINCE | POS. | COMMENTS |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 19 |  |
Abraham Marti | 4-22-2011 | Reserve Defender | ||
| 17 | |
Austin March | LOAF'S LOAFS |
10-26-2011 | Reserve Middy | |
| 18 |  |
Cary Dobson | LOAF'S LOAFS |
6-28-2011 | Backup Middy | The Future. |
| 20 |  |
Edgar Engelen | 7-16-2011 | Starting Central Defender | Father played for Belgian National Team | |
| 19 |  |
Filip Dukic | 5-29-2011 | Reserve Middy | Served 2 years in Croatian Military | |
| 18 | |
Gerard Harman | LOAF'S LOAFS |
10-2-2011 | Reserve Winger | Openly Gay |
| 19 |  |
Guido Avisi | 6-1-2011 | Starting Middy | Acts during the off-season | |
| 19 | |
Johnny Power | LOAF'S LOAFS |
9-26-2011 | Reserve Forward | |
| 21 | |
Johnny Visentin | 12-5-2010 | Starting Middy | Doesn't Speak English | |
| 20 |  |
Jonas Larsson | 6-3-2011 | Starting Winger | Spent a year in jail | |
| 35 | |
Leif Bernerberg | 10-26-2011 | Starting Central Defender | ||
| 19 | |
Luke Doughty | LOAF'S LOAFS |
10-10-2011 | Reserve Wingback | |
| 19 | |
Mikey Balsiger | LOAF'S LOAFS |
3-11-2011 | Starting Middy | Owns his own surf company |
| 32 | |
Miroslav Zerek | 3-10-2011 | Backup Goalkeeper | Has children from 4 diff. women | |
| 32 | |
Niklas Koch | 1-26-2011 | Starting Forward | ||
| 28 | |
Orestes Benavides | LOAF'S LOAFS |
8-10-2010 | Reserve Forward | |
| 21 |  |
Peer Hansen | 7-13-2011 | Starting Wingback | ||
| 24 |  |
Rafa Aranda | 10-13-2010 | Starting Winger | Lazy Mexican | |
| 39 |  |
Rients Kap | 10-26-2011 | Bench Warmer/Asst. Coach | ||
| 19 | |
Russ Fontaine | 11-6-2011 | Starting Keeper/Savior | Owns a corn farm in Nebraska | |
| 29 |  |
Ryan Urner | 8-27-2010 | Reserve Forward | LL All-Time Leading Scorer | |
| 34 | |
Terencjusz Myszko | 8-18-2010 | Reserve Forward/Coach | Unibrowed Phenom | |
| 33 | |
Thibaud Lucas | 4-2-2011 | Starting Forward | Waffle Machine | |
| 18 | |
Torquato Righini | LOAF'S LOAFS |
8-30-2011 | Reserve Middy | Worthless. |
| 21 | |
William Stewart | LOAF'S LOAFS |
1-3-2011 | Bench Warmer | |
| 36 | |
Vladan Kilibarda | 7-16-2011 | Reserve Central Defender | ||
| 35 |  |
Xurde Cagiga | 7-16-2011 | Reserve Forward | 125 Career Goals |
Stadium
16 rue de Lausanne is the arena of CPAM FC. It has a total capacity of 55 000.
- Total capacity: 55 000
- Terraces: 31 690
- Basic seating: 11 952
- Seats under roof: 10 142
- Seats in VIP boxes: 1 216
Achievements
Achievements: 17 / 31
Points: 292 / 998
| Team | |||
|---|---|---|---|
 |
Climbing the ladder | 12-11-2007 | 40 points |
 |
I want you | 22-01-2007 | 10 points |
 |
Get out of here | 03-12-2006 | 10 points |
 |
Practice makes perfect | 22-12-2006 | 10 points |
 |
Play the Lottery | 30-11-2006 | 10 points |
 |
I want you back | 03-06-2010 | 10 points |
 |
Cup Heroes | 05-07-2006 | 20 points |
 |
All that skill | 12-04-2008 | 30 points |
 |
Cash is king | 21-02-2009 | 35 points |
 |
We’re so loved | 04-12-2006 | 15 points |
 |
Eternal life | 03-06-2011 | 15 points |
 |
Investment return | 05-05-2009 | 10 points |
| Matches | |||
|---|---|---|---|
 |
We’re so good | 11-07-2009 | 17 points |
 |
Friends from abroad | 17-01-2007 | 10 points |
 |
Star collector | 24-04-2010 | 30 points |
| Manager | |||
|---|---|---|---|
 |
Stop the press | 30-11-2006 | 10 points |
 |
The world needs to know | 30-11-2006 | 10 points |
Hall of fame
|
Tony Bassène | |
|---|---|---|
| First day with club | 2010-06-03 | |
| Current occupation | Secretary | |
| Category | Great scorer | |
| Was inducted in the Hall of Fame at age 38 in June 3, 2011. | ||
| Seasons: 4 | Matches: 94 | Goals: 112 | Hattrick: 9 | ||
| Best match: 284382234 | Last match: 332002694 | ||
|
Artur Bouça | |
|---|---|---|
| First day with club | 2004-12-29 | |
| Current occupation | Sales Director | |
| Category | Great rating | |
| Was inducted in the Hall of Fame at age 35 in December 20, 2007. | ||
| Seasons: 10 | Matches: 139 | Goals: 43 | Hattrick: 2 | ||
| Best match: 62275464 | Last match: 156395288 | ||
|
François Parmentier | |
|---|---|---|
| First day with club | 2005-09-14 | |
| Current occupation | Informercial Host | |
| Category | Faithful to club | |
| Was inducted in the Hall of Fame at age 40 in August 17, 2006. | ||
| Seasons: 3 | Matches: 2 | Goals: 13 | Hattrick: 0 | ||
| Best match: 13331074 | Last match: 51386860 | ||
|
David Therkildsen | |
|---|---|---|
| First day with club | 2005-01-05 | |
| Current occupation | Hotdog vender | |
| Category | Member of Honour | |
| Was inducted in the Hall of Fame at age 36 in March 17, 2008. | ||
| Seasons: 11 | Matches: 133 | Goals: 35 | Hattrick: 0 | ||
| Best match: 97891276 | Last match: 164611698 | ||
|
César Casa-Nova | |
|---|---|---|
| First day with club | 2010-04-26 | |
| Current occupation | Unemployed | |
| Category | Training matches hero | |
| Was inducted in the Hall of Fame at age 35 in Novermber 07, 2011. | ||
| Seasons: 5 | Matches: 58 | Goals: 13 | Hattrick: 0 | ||
| Best match: 286123029 | Last match: 333248008 | ||
Raised in the team
Flags
Currently the club has hosted 108 countries on 128
Season Breakdowns
Season 43
| Season | League | US Open Cup | Trophies | Top goalscorer | Goals |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 43 | 4th in VI.766 | 1st round | none | Ryan Urner | 8 |
Season 43 started out "with a bang", as quoted by first-ever team captain/raging alcoholic Lee Ernest. I don't think he was referring to the actual soccer season.
The team battled with injuries and shared women as conflict swept through the locker room quicker than the team's rare strand of herpes. The "C" was stripped from Goalkeeper Ernest and given to Terencjusz "Terrence" Myszko, who served as captain for next 2 seasons.
The team finished a morbid but eager 4th place, with an aggregate of +22 goals and 23 points, but a disappointed 2nd leg loss in "The Derby" as LL got mopped up and swatted away by cross-town rivals, Battle Toads FC.
Season 44
| Season | League | US Open Cup | Trophies | Top goalscorer | Goals |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 44 | 3rd in VI.766 | 2nd round | none | Ryan Urner | 16 |
LL added key young components to its midfield as well as a new coach in Swiss (cheese) phenom Tom Frisch.
Absolute mayhem swept the streets of LOAFVILLE, PA as the team took the 1st round of the US Open Cup in stunning yet controversial fashion. In the 27' against Bluesters United, a streaker was seen running across the field, but refs refused to blow the whistle. Rafa Aranda took advantage of this mishap and netted a goal to go up 3-0, which was even too big for LL to blow.
A modest 3rd place, 31 point finish was in store for season 44, again splitting against rival BTFC, but winning its last 2 games against BTFC and perennial league VI giant/assgoblin UM Terps.
What would 45 have in store for the Loaf...
Season 45
| Season | League | US Open Cup | Trophies | Top goalscorer | Goals |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 45 | 2nd in VI.766 | 1st round | none | Ryan Urner/Niklas Koch | 16 |
Season 45 started in the shitter and ended...in the shitter. The team cruised most of the season, taking the all-important 1-2 matchup at UM Terps and entering the second half of the season ready to host the same team. The manager, unfortunately, forgot to show up because he entered a bar just 3 hours prior to gametime and did not come out until a week later.
The team dropped the ever-decisive match, and therefore finished the season in a tie for first with UM Terps, but well behind in aggregate. Another season was yet in store for LL in this shitter of USA.
Season 46
| Season | League | US Open Cup | Trophies | Top goalscorer | Goals |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 46 | 1nd in VI.766 | 2nd round | Ryan Urner | 16 |
Thanks
This page was originally created by RUKENT, thanks for his great work!
Thanks to Unknown_Guy for his Wiki-CHPP application HT-Mess
