LOAF'S LOAFS

From Hattrick
LOAF'S LOAFS (228010)
LL2.jpg
The LOAF'S LOAFS Unofficial Logo, featuring its slogan "LONG LIVE THE LOAF," also known simply as "LLTL"
Birthdate 08.10.2010
Country  USA
Region Pennsylvania
Zone North America
Stadium The Bakery
Rival Battle Toads FC
Fan club The Yeast Army (2526 Fans as of 05/19/13)
League IV.23 (USA)
Home Match Kits LLNutKit.png
Home Match Kits LLMilanKit2.png
Current Coach Andrey Stoyanov Bulgaria (1/8/13 - )
Past Coaches George Strange USA (08/10/10 - 12/24/10)

Tom Frisch Schweiz (12/24/10 - 11/2/11)

Terencjusz "Terrence" Myszko Polska (Since 11/2/11 - 1/8/13)

LOAF'S LOAFS is an American USA soccer club originating in Pennsylvania, more specifically in the suburban-Philadelphia area. It plays its home games at The Bakery in Series IV.23 (USA). The team's only rival is Battle Toads FC (BTFC). Scarves and bottle openers are available at our online store for painfully high prices.

The team also plays co-host to the Tight Butthole Republic, a tournament of 16 teams.

The Loaf[edit]

How it all went down[edit]

LOAF'S LOAFS came about as its founder/creator was eating a large, slightly burnt, and extremely tasty sandwich in his dorm room during his senior year of college. Upon completion of the sandwich, he initially wanted to buy his own team in Italy's Lega Pro Prima Divisione from his savings mowing lawns during the summer, but figured HT would be a good, slightly less risky indicator as to whether he could do it in real life, too

Current squad[edit]

As of October 3rd, 2015 Statistics shown for LL matches only

No. Nat Pos Player Total Series Cup
Apps Goals Apps Goals Apps Goals
1 USA DF August Hutchinson 14 9 12 8 2 1
10 USA CD Cary Dobson 213 53 174 36 39 17
14 USA DF Stuart Overton 95 47 71 31 24 16
16 USA WI Abel Johnson 154 37 128 20 26 17
17 USA CD Steve Irvin 148 27 113 20 35 7
19 España MF Juan Jesús Zarzalejos 107 24 91 24 16 0
22 USA DF Ryan Connelly 3 0 0 0 3 0
25 USA IM Mikey Balsiger 231 59 188 51 43 8
32 USA FW Orville Donovan 4 4 0 0 4 4
35 Deutschland CD Anton Eisenfuss 25 5 0 0 25 5
36 USA GK Steven Case 6 0 1 0 5 0
43 USA DF Jim Cerkovnik 43 15 11 2 32 13
46 USA WB Johnnie Valentine 48 12 11 3 37 9
50 USA WB Tristan Elroy 132 32 92 20 40 12
63 USA FW Enoch Cheek 109 95 96 73 13 22
69 USA WI Luis Carlos Acero 133 31 106 22 27 9
83 Deutschland FW Emmerich Lessmeister 159 83 117 62 42 21
91 USA WB Kendrick Brunner 152 38 116 25 36 13
93 Polska GK Dominik Warot 46 0 35 0 11 0
95 USA MF Jerry Hood 41 25 10 4 31 21
98 România DF Andràs Uhlir 17 8 10 6 7 2

Retired Numbers[edit]

  • Niklas Koch: 1-26-2011 to 10-23-2012 (HOF)
  • Guido Alvisi: 6-1-2011 - 07-29-2013 (Transferred)
  • Emil Jopek: 1-22-2012 - 10-2-2012 (Transferred)
  • Peer Hansen: 7-13-2011 - 11-14-2012 (Transferred)
  • Ryan Urner: 8-27-2010 - 08-31-2013 (HOF)
No. Nat Pos Player Total Series Cup
Apps Goals Apps Goals Apps Goals
1 USA GK Russ Werewolf Fontaine 177 0 144 0 33 0
3 Danmark WB Peer Hansen 75 16 60 12 15 4
20 Italia IM Guido Alvisi 114 31 94 27 20 4
89 Österreich FW Niklas Koch 46 42 40 40 6 2
98 Česká republika FW Emil Jopek 32 20 26 18 6 2
99 Deutschland FW Ryan Urner 91 59 75 55 16 4

Other Notable Players[edit]

  • Jason Fortier: 2-14-2012 - 11-5-2012 (Transferred)
  • Àlex Jové: 1-22-2012 - 12-3-2012 (Transferred)
  • Edgar Engelen: 7-16-2011 - 2-27-2013 (Transferred)
  • Fredric "Zorro" Busquets: 3-29-2012 - 4-4-2013 (Transferred)
  • Derryl Wilks: 8-7-2012 - 6-26-2013 (Transferred)
  • Scott Johnson: 9-16-2012 - 8-5-2013 (Transferred)
  • Tiziano Caneva: 10-29-2012 - 6-26-2013 (Transferred)
  • Terencjusz Myszko: 8-18-2010 - 2-13-2013 (HOF)
  • Miroslav Zerak: 3-10-2011 - 9-16-2013 (HOF)


No. Nat Pos Player Total Series Cup
Apps Goals Apps Goals Apps Goals
13 USA WI Jason Fortier 37 7 26 3 11 4
86 España FW Àlex Jové 32 20 25 13 7 7
31 Belgium CD Edgar Engelen 95 12 74 9 21 3
63 España WI Frederic Busquets 58 22 43 13 15 9
4 USA CD Darryl Wilks 40 12 25 10 15 2
9 USA WB Scott Johnson 24 0 12 0 12 0
43 Italia FW Tiziano Caneva 36 20 28 14 8 6
Polska CO Terencjusz Myszko 42 4 37 3 5 1
53 Slovenija GK Miroslav Zerak 35 0 25 0 10 0

Leading Scorers[edit]

Bold indicates on active roster. Updated 29/6/15

Player Goals
USA Enoch Cheek 95
Deutschland Emmerich Lessmeister 83
USA Mikey Balsiger 60
Deutschland Ryan Urner 59
USA Cary Dobson 53
USA Stuart Overton 47
Österreich Niklas Koch 42
USA Kendrick Brunner 38
USA Abel Johnson 37
USA Tristan Elroy 32
Italia Guido Alvisi 31
USA Luis Carlos Acero 31
USA Steve Irvin 27
USA Jerry Hood 25
España Juan Jesus Zarzalejos 24
España Frederic "Zorro" Busquets 22
Česká republika Emil Jopek 20
España Àlex Jové 20
Italia Tiziano Caneva 20

Raised in this team[edit]

Please visit LOAF'S LITTLE LOAFS for extended information on the LOAFS youth academy and all of its major products.

LOAF'S LOAFS Hall of Fame[edit]

Click on above link to find:

  • LOAFS list of Hall of Fame players
  • Biographies and/or extended discussion on star LOAFS players

Flag Collection[edit]

Home[edit]

Arena The Bakery has hosted teams from 16 of 128 countries.

Belgium Bulgaria Česká republika Colombia Deutschland Eesti England España Hellas Italia Magyarország Nederland Norge Polska Schweiz USA

Away[edit]

LOAF'S LOAFS has visited 49 of 128 countries.

Argentina Belgium Benin Brasil Bulgaria Canada Česká republika Chile China Colombia Danmark Deutschland Eesti England España France Hellas Hrvatska India Iran Israel Italia Latvija Lietuva Magyarország México Nederland Norge Oceania Österreich Panamá Paraguay Perú Polska Portugal România Rossiya Sakartvelo Schweiz Scotland Slovensko Srbija Suomi Sverige Türkiye Ukraina Uruguay USA Việt Nam

The Derby[edit]

See Tight Butthole Derby for more information on the riveting PA derby.


History[edit]

Career Head to Head

Team Total wins Total wins Team
LL2.jpg 20 16 1btfc.jpg

Conflict[edit]

A total of 26 lives have been lost during the constant feuding that revolves around a LL - BTFC confrontation. A memorial is dedicated to those lost during what has been coined as "The Tight Butthole Derby," located in Tempe, Arizona. The memorial receives over 1 million visitors yearly in what has been called "The most tragic of all sports rivalries" by Sports Illustrated.

Tight Butthole Republic[edit]

Voted by participating members as the most prolific tournament in Hattrick. Below are the LOAF'S performances:

Season Contestants Place W D L GF GA GD
1 8 6th 0 2 1 6 7 -1
2 8 8th 0 0 3 3 9 -6
3 8 4th 1 1 2 6 4 +2
4 8 2nd 3 0 2 14 8 +6
5 8 5th 2 0 1 5 4 +1
6 8 2nd 4 0 1 10 4 +6
7 16 1st 6 0 0 16 7 +9
8 16 1st 5 0 1 22 7 +15
9 16 2nd 3 1 2 13 7 +6
10 16 1st 5 0 1 20 5 +15
11 16 9th 1 0 2 11 11 +0
12 16 8th 1 1 2 6 6 +0
13 16 1st 5 1 0 17 9 +8

Season Breakdowns[edit]

History[edit]

Season League Pos Pts Pld W D L GF GA GD CUP Top scorer
43 VI.766 4th 23 14 7 2 5 45 33 +12 1st Deutschland Ryan Urner 8
44 VI.766 3rd 31 14 10 1 3 63 15 +48 2nd Deutschland Ryan Urner 16
45 VI.766 2nd 39 14 13 0 1 88 7 +81 1st Deutschland Ryan Urner/Niklas Koch 16
46 VI.766 1st 42 14 14 0 0 87 6 +81 2nd Österreich Niklas Koch 21
47 V.54 4th 22 14 6 4 4 19 20 -1 3rd Deutschland Ryan Urner/Thibaud Lucus 3
48 V.54 3rd 28 14 9 1 4 44 20 +24 4th España Àlex Jové 11
49 V.54 3rd 30 14 10 0 4 48 17 +31 4th España Fredric Busquets/Emil Jopek 8
50 V.54 1st 31 14 9 4 1 35 4 +31 4th Italia Tiziano Caneva 9
51 V.54 1st 36 14 12 0 2 39 10 +29 6th Italia Guido Alvisi 6
52 IV.23 6th 14 14 4 2 8 18 26 -8 3rd Deutschland Emmerich Lessmeister 3
53 IV.23 4th 20 14 5 5 4 29 25 +4 3rd USA Enoch Cheek 7
54 IV.23 2nd 29 14 9 2 3 26 9 +17 3rd USA Enoch Cheek 7+6
55 IV.23 1st 40 14 13 1 0 90 6 +84 4th

Deutschland Emmerich Lessmeister 16+4

Totals VI.766 135 56 44 3 9 283 61 +222 2-4
Totals V.54 147 71 47 9 15 188 73 +115 16-5
Totals IV.23 103 56 31 10 15 145 69 +76 9-4
Totals 385 225 143 22 53 815 279 +536 25-13 Deutschland Emmerich Lessmeister 60

Season 43[edit]

Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals
43 4th in VI.766 1st round none Ryan Urner 8

Season 43 started out "with a bang", as quoted by first-ever team captain/raging alcoholic Lee Ernest. I don't think he was referring to the actual soccer season.

The team battled with injuries and shared women as conflict swept through the locker room quicker than the team's rare strand of herpes. The "C" was stripped from Goalkeeper Ernest and given to Terencjusz "Terrence" Myszko, who served as captain for next 2 seasons.

The team finished a morbid but eager 4th place, with an aggregate of +22 goals and 23 points, but a disappointing 2nd leg loss in "The Derby" as LL got mopped up and swatted away by cross-town rivals, Battle Toads FC.

Season 44[edit]

Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals
44 3rd in VI.766 2nd round none Ryan Urner 16

LL added key young components to its midfield as well as a new coach in Swiss (cheese) phenom Tom Frisch.

Absolute mayhem swept the streets of LOAFVILLE, PA as the team took the 1st round of the US Open Cup in stunning yet controversial fashion. In the 27' against Bluesters United, a streaker was seen running across the field, but refs refused to blow the whistle. Rafa Aranda took advantage of this mishap and netted a goal to go up 3-0, which was even too big for LL to blow.

A modest 3rd place, 31 point finish was in store for season 44, again splitting against rival BTFC, but winning its last 2 games against BTFC and perennial league VI giant/assgoblin UM Terps.

What would 45 have in store for the Loaf...

Season 45[edit]

Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals
45 2nd in VI.766 1st round none Ryan Urner/Niklas Koch 16

Season 45 started in the shitter and ended...in the shitter. The team cruised most of the season, taking the all-important 1-2 matchup at UM Terps and entering the second half of the season ready to host the same team. The manager, unfortunately, forgot to show up because he entered a bar just 3 hours prior to gametime and did not come out until a week later.

The team dropped the ever-decisive match, and therefore finished the season in a tie for first with UM Terps, but well behind in aggregate. Another season was yet in store for LL in this shitter of USA.


Season 46[edit]

Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals
46 1st in VI.766 2nd round Division VI.PNG Goldenboot V.gif Niklas Koch 21

During the offseason, Middy great Mikael Ulstrap was sold off for more than $2 million to make way for the transfers of Peer Hansen and Edgar Engelen, 2 dominant young defenders who would go on to have shut down seasons, allowing a total of 6 goals (0 at home).

FOCUS, preached Coach Frisch at the beginning of the season, and focus they did for 14 straight weeks. The table had been ran. LL pulled off the undefeated season. Aside from a 3-2 narrow victory in week 1, no team had come within 3 goals of defeating the series VI powerhouse.

With an aggregate of +81, the team was directly promoted to series V.54, riding on the coattails of IMs Gualtiero Moneta, Johnny Visentin, and young Italian phenom Guido Avisi.

Season 47[edit]

Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals
47 4th in V.54 3rd Round None Ryan Urner/Thibaud Lucas 3

The Yeast Army multiplied like bunnies during the offseason. After a 1st round win over a robot, LL management brought in 19 year old [Russ Fontaine] to main the gate, a position LL lacked since...the beginning of time.

In its first contest ever in series V, LL took down other direct promotion opponent, Gate 13, in a 2-0 hard-fought away match.

The team set another franchise milestone on November 10th, 2011 with a 1-0 (Hansen 76') victory at The Bakery against Terabytes, advancing to the 3rd round of the US Open Cup for the first time ever.

On the weekend of week 2, LL's usual intra-team drama began. 19 year-old surfing entrepreneur Mikey Balsiger failed to throw out a used happy tissue and accidentally left it in front of Rafa Aranda's locker. This was seen by the team as a hate crime, and the team broke out into a fight; minorities vs. white people.

After a week 2 win over yet another first-time series V team, LL improved to 2-0 on the season, shattering franchise records for consecutive wins as well as national rank, as seen below.

17consec.png

In the final game of the season, in front of a sold out crowd at the Bakery, song writer/singer/international hunk Mike Posner performed his new single "Gettin' High at The Bakery" during the halftime spectacle. The team fought on unsuccessfully, losing 0-1 to drop to 4th place overall in their inaugural season in Series V.

Season 48[edit]

Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals
48 3rd place in V.54 4th Round None Àlex Jové 11

Following a week 2 win over Jerkin It F.C., LL peaked at its highest ranking ever ((950), later broken as they ascended to 851)), as well as reaching the most successful ranking of any team started in week 1 of season 43.

The team remained in first place for the first 6 weeks of the season, until being beaten in back-to-back matches by FC Deich, falling to 2nd and 3rd place in consecutive weeks. The team currently sits in 4th place following a string of poor performances.

Season 49[edit]

Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals
49 3rd place in V.54 4th Round None Frederic Busquets/Emil Jopek 8

The team sandbagged through the first four weeks, winning just 1 match and losing the rest. After this, due to an inspirational speech by Coach Myszko written by Jeff Goldblum's housemaid, the team turned it around and managed to take the next 9 matches, staging a final week 14 matchup against 1st place San Marcos Revolutionaries. The match, on the road for LL, was a winner-take-all between first and second place. Rev's shot out to a 2-1 lead as 3 goals were scored in the first 9 minutes of the match, and at the half the teams went into the locker rooms at a 3-2 lead in favor of the Revs. In the 54th minute, the lead was widened to 4-2, and all the LOAF'S could manage was a 4-3 loss as the Cindarella run ended at the final minute.

Season 50[edit]

Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals
50 1st place in V.54 4th Round Division V.PNG Tiziano Caneva 9


See LOAF'S LOAFS Season 50 for more information.

Season 51[edit]

Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals
51 1st place in V.54 6th Rd Division V.PNG Guido Alvisi 6


See LOAF'S LOAFS Season 51 for more information.

Season 52[edit]

Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals
52 6th place in IV.23 3rd Rd None Emmerich Lessmeister 3


See LOAF'S LOAFS Season 52 for more information.

LOAF'S LOAFS Season 53[edit]

Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals
53 4th place in IV.23 3rd Round None Enoch Cheek 7+2


LOAF'S LOAFS Season 54[edit]

Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals
54 2nd place in IV.23 3rd None Enoch Cheek 7+6


LOAF'S LOAFS Season 55[edit]

Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals
55 1st place in IV.23 4th Division IV.PNG Emmerich Lessmeister 16+4


LOAF'S LOAFS Season 56[edit]

Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals
56 3rd place in IV.23 3rd Division IV.PNG Enoch Cheek 12+1

Thanks[edit]

This page was originally created by RUKENT, thanks for his great work!
Thanks to Unknown_Guy for his Wiki-CHPP application HT-Mess