LOAF'S LOAFS

LOAF'S LOAFS (228010)

The LOAF'S LOAFS Unofficial Logo, featuring its slogan "LONG LIVE THE LOAF," also known simply as "LLTL"
Birthdate	08.10.2010
Country	USA
Region	Pennsylvania
Zone	North America
Stadium	The Bakery
Rival	Battle Toads FC
Fan club	The Yeast Army (2526 Fans as of 05/19/13)
League	IV.23 (USA)
Home Match Kits
Home Match Kits
Current Coach	Andrey Stoyanov (1/8/13 - )
Past Coaches	George Strange (08/10/10 - 12/24/10) Tom Frisch (12/24/10 - 11/2/11) Terencjusz "Terrence" Myszko (Since 11/2/11 - 1/8/13)

LOAF'S LOAFS is an American soccer club originating in Pennsylvania, more specifically in the suburban-Philadelphia area. It plays its home games at The Bakery in Series IV.23 (USA). The team's only rival is Battle Toads FC (BTFC). Scarves and bottle openers are available at our online store for painfully high prices.

The team also plays co-host to the Tight Butthole Republic, a tournament of 16 teams.

The Loaf

How it all went down

LOAF'S LOAFS came about as its founder/creator was eating a large, slightly burnt, and extremely tasty sandwich in his dorm room during his senior year of college. Upon completion of the sandwich, he initially wanted to buy his own team in Italy's Lega Pro Prima Divisione from his savings mowing lawns during the summer, but figured HT would be a good, slightly less risky indicator as to whether he could do it in real life, too

Current squad

As of October 3rd, 2015 Statistics shown for LL matches only

No.	Nat	Pos	Player	Total		Series		Cup
				Apps	Goals	Apps	Goals	Apps	Goals
1		DF	August Hutchinson	14	9	12	8	2	1
10		CD	Cary Dobson	213	53	174	36	39	17
14		DF	Stuart Overton	95	47	71	31	24	16
16		WI	Abel Johnson	154	37	128	20	26	17
17		CD	Steve Irvin	148	27	113	20	35	7
19		MF	Juan Jesús Zarzalejos	107	24	91	24	16	0
22		DF	Ryan Connelly	3	0	0	0	3	0
25		IM	Mikey Balsiger	231	59	188	51	43	8
32		FW	Orville Donovan	4	4	0	0	4	4
35		CD	Anton Eisenfuss	25	5	0	0	25	5
36		GK	Steven Case	6	0	1	0	5	0
43		DF	Jim Cerkovnik	43	15	11	2	32	13
46		WB	Johnnie Valentine	48	12	11	3	37	9
50		WB	Tristan Elroy	132	32	92	20	40	12
63		FW	Enoch Cheek	109	95	96	73	13	22
69		WI	Luis Carlos Acero	133	31	106	22	27	9
83		FW	Emmerich Lessmeister	159	83	117	62	42	21
91		WB	Kendrick Brunner	152	38	116	25	36	13
93		GK	Dominik Warot	46	0	35	0	11	0
95		MF	Jerry Hood	41	25	10	4	31	21
98		DF	Andràs Uhlir	17	8	10	6	7	2

Retired Numbers

• Niklas Koch: 1-26-2011 to 10-23-2012 (HOF)
• Guido Alvisi: 6-1-2011 - 07-29-2013 (Transferred)
• Emil Jopek: 1-22-2012 - 10-2-2012 (Transferred)
• Peer Hansen: 7-13-2011 - 11-14-2012 (Transferred)
• Ryan Urner: 8-27-2010 - 08-31-2013 (HOF)

No.	Nat	Pos	Player	Total		Series		Cup
				Apps	Goals	Apps	Goals	Apps	Goals
1		GK	Russ Werewolf Fontaine	177	0	144	0	33	0
3		WB	Peer Hansen	75	16	60	12	15	4
20		IM	Guido Alvisi	114	31	94	27	20	4
89		FW	Niklas Koch	46	42	40	40	6	2
98		FW	Emil Jopek	32	20	26	18	6	2
99		FW	Ryan Urner	91	59	75	55	16	4

Other Notable Players

• Jason Fortier: 2-14-2012 - 11-5-2012 (Transferred)
• Àlex Jové: 1-22-2012 - 12-3-2012 (Transferred)
• Edgar Engelen: 7-16-2011 - 2-27-2013 (Transferred)
• Fredric "Zorro" Busquets: 3-29-2012 - 4-4-2013 (Transferred)
• Derryl Wilks: 8-7-2012 - 6-26-2013 (Transferred)
• Scott Johnson: 9-16-2012 - 8-5-2013 (Transferred)
• Tiziano Caneva: 10-29-2012 - 6-26-2013 (Transferred)
• Terencjusz Myszko: 8-18-2010 - 2-13-2013 (HOF)
• Miroslav Zerak: 3-10-2011 - 9-16-2013 (HOF)

No.	Nat	Pos	Player	Total		Series		Cup
				Apps	Goals	Apps	Goals	Apps	Goals
13		WI	Jason Fortier	37	7	26	3	11	4
86		FW	Àlex Jové	32	20	25	13	7	7
31		CD	Edgar Engelen	95	12	74	9	21	3
63		WI	Frederic Busquets	58	22	43	13	15	9
4		CD	Darryl Wilks	40	12	25	10	15	2
9		WB	Scott Johnson	24	0	12	0	12	0
43		FW	Tiziano Caneva	36	20	28	14	8	6
		CO	Terencjusz Myszko	42	4	37	3	5	1
53		GK	Miroslav Zerak	35	0	25	0	10	0

Leading Scorers

Bold indicates on active roster. Updated 29/6/15

Player	Goals
Enoch Cheek	95
Emmerich Lessmeister	83
Mikey Balsiger	60
Ryan Urner	59
Cary Dobson	53
Stuart Overton	47
Niklas Koch	42
Kendrick Brunner	38
Abel Johnson	37
Tristan Elroy	32
Guido Alvisi	31
Luis Carlos Acero	31
Steve Irvin	27
Jerry Hood	25
Juan Jesus Zarzalejos	24
Frederic "Zorro" Busquets	22
Emil Jopek	20
Àlex Jové	20
Tiziano Caneva	20

Raised in this team

Please visit LOAF'S LITTLE LOAFS for extended information on the LOAFS youth academy and all of its major products.

LOAF'S LOAFS Hall of Fame

Click on above link to find:

• LOAFS list of Hall of Fame players
• Biographies and/or extended discussion on star LOAFS players

Flag Collection

Home

Arena The Bakery has hosted teams from 16 of 128 countries.

Away

LOAF'S LOAFS has visited 49 of 128 countries.

The Derby

See Tight Butthole Derby for more information on the riveting PA derby.

History

Career Head to Head

Team	Total wins	Total wins	Team
	20	16

Conflict

A total of 26 lives have been lost during the constant feuding that revolves around a LL - BTFC confrontation. A memorial is dedicated to those lost during what has been coined as "The Tight Butthole Derby," located in Tempe, Arizona. The memorial receives over 1 million visitors yearly in what has been called "The most tragic of all sports rivalries" by Sports Illustrated.

Tight Butthole Republic

Voted by participating members as the most prolific tournament in Hattrick. Below are the LOAF'S performances:

Season	Contestants	Place	W	D	L	GF	GA	GD
1	8	6th	0	2	1	6	7	-1
2	8	8th	0	0	3	3	9	-6
3	8	4th	1	1	2	6	4	+2
4	8	2nd	3	0	2	14	8	+6
5	8	5th	2	0	1	5	4	+1
6	8	2nd	4	0	1	10	4	+6
7	16	1st	6	0	0	16	7	+9
8	16	1st	5	0	1	22	7	+15
9	16	2nd	3	1	2	13	7	+6
10	16	1st	5	0	1	20	5	+15
11	16	9th	1	0	2	11	11	+0
12	16	8th	1	1	2	6	6	+0
13	16	1st	5	1	0	17	9	+8

Season Breakdowns

History

Season	League	Pos	Pts	Pld	W	D	L	GF	GA	GD	CUP	Top scorer
43	VI.766	4th	23	14	7	2	5	45	33	+12	1st	Ryan Urner 8
44	VI.766	3rd	31	14	10	1	3	63	15	+48	2nd	Ryan Urner 16
45	VI.766	2nd	39	14	13	0	1	88	7	+81	1st	Ryan Urner/Niklas Koch 16
46	VI.766	1st	42	14	14	0	0	87	6	+81	2nd	Niklas Koch 21
47	V.54	4th	22	14	6	4	4	19	20	-1	3rd	Ryan Urner/Thibaud Lucus 3
48	V.54	3rd	28	14	9	1	4	44	20	+24	4th	Àlex Jové 11
49	V.54	3rd	30	14	10	0	4	48	17	+31	4th	Fredric Busquets/Emil Jopek 8
50	V.54	1st	31	14	9	4	1	35	4	+31	4th	Tiziano Caneva 9
51	V.54	1st	36	14	12	0	2	39	10	+29	6th	Guido Alvisi 6
52	IV.23	6th	14	14	4	2	8	18	26	-8	3rd	Emmerich Lessmeister 3
53	IV.23	4th	20	14	5	5	4	29	25	+4	3rd	Enoch Cheek 7
54	IV.23	2nd	29	14	9	2	3	26	9	+17	3rd	Enoch Cheek 7+6
55	IV.23	1st	40	14	13	1	0	90	6	+84	4th	Emmerich Lessmeister 16+4
Totals	VI.766		135	56	44	3	9	283	61	+222	2-4
Totals	V.54		147	71	47	9	15	188	73	+115	16-5
Totals	IV.23		103	56	31	10	15	145	69	+76	9-4
Totals			385	225	143	22	53	815	279	+536	25-13	Emmerich Lessmeister 60

Season 43

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
43	4th in VI.766	1st round	none	Ryan Urner	8

Season 43 started out "with a bang", as quoted by first-ever team captain/raging alcoholic Lee Ernest. I don't think he was referring to the actual soccer season.

The team battled with injuries and shared women as conflict swept through the locker room quicker than the team's rare strand of herpes. The "C" was stripped from Goalkeeper Ernest and given to Terencjusz "Terrence" Myszko, who served as captain for next 2 seasons.

The team finished a morbid but eager 4th place, with an aggregate of +22 goals and 23 points, but a disappointing 2nd leg loss in "The Derby" as LL got mopped up and swatted away by cross-town rivals, Battle Toads FC.

Season 44

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
44	3rd in VI.766	2nd round	none	Ryan Urner	16

LL added key young components to its midfield as well as a new coach in Swiss (cheese) phenom Tom Frisch.

Absolute mayhem swept the streets of LOAFVILLE, PA as the team took the 1st round of the US Open Cup in stunning yet controversial fashion. In the 27' against Bluesters United, a streaker was seen running across the field, but refs refused to blow the whistle. Rafa Aranda took advantage of this mishap and netted a goal to go up 3-0, which was even too big for LL to blow.

A modest 3rd place, 31 point finish was in store for season 44, again splitting against rival BTFC, but winning its last 2 games against BTFC and perennial league VI giant/assgoblin UM Terps.

What would 45 have in store for the Loaf...

Season 45

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
45	2nd in VI.766	1st round	none	Ryan Urner/Niklas Koch	16

Season 45 started in the shitter and ended...in the shitter. The team cruised most of the season, taking the all-important 1-2 matchup at UM Terps and entering the second half of the season ready to host the same team. The manager, unfortunately, forgot to show up because he entered a bar just 3 hours prior to gametime and did not come out until a week later.

The team dropped the ever-decisive match, and therefore finished the season in a tie for first with UM Terps, but well behind in aggregate. Another season was yet in store for LL in this shitter of USA.

Season 46

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
46	1st in VI.766	2nd round		Niklas Koch	21

During the offseason, Middy great Mikael Ulstrap was sold off for more than $2 million to make way for the transfers of Peer Hansen and Edgar Engelen, 2 dominant young defenders who would go on to have shut down seasons, allowing a total of 6 goals (0 at home).

FOCUS, preached Coach Frisch at the beginning of the season, and focus they did for 14 straight weeks. The table had been ran. LL pulled off the undefeated season. Aside from a 3-2 narrow victory in week 1, no team had come within 3 goals of defeating the series VI powerhouse.

With an aggregate of +81, the team was directly promoted to series V.54, riding on the coattails of IMs Gualtiero Moneta, Johnny Visentin, and young Italian phenom Guido Avisi.

Season 47

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
47	4th in V.54	3rd Round	None	Ryan Urner/Thibaud Lucas	3

The Yeast Army multiplied like bunnies during the offseason. After a 1st round win over a robot, LL management brought in 19 year old [Russ Fontaine] to main the gate, a position LL lacked since...the beginning of time.

In its first contest ever in series V, LL took down other direct promotion opponent, Gate 13, in a 2-0 hard-fought away match.

The team set another franchise milestone on November 10th, 2011 with a 1-0 (Hansen 76') victory at The Bakery against Terabytes, advancing to the 3rd round of the US Open Cup for the first time ever.

On the weekend of week 2, LL's usual intra-team drama began. 19 year-old surfing entrepreneur Mikey Balsiger failed to throw out a used happy tissue and accidentally left it in front of Rafa Aranda's locker. This was seen by the team as a hate crime, and the team broke out into a fight; minorities vs. white people.

After a week 2 win over yet another first-time series V team, LL improved to 2-0 on the season, shattering franchise records for consecutive wins as well as national rank, as seen below.

In the final game of the season, in front of a sold out crowd at the Bakery, song writer/singer/international hunk Mike Posner performed his new single "Gettin' High at The Bakery" during the halftime spectacle. The team fought on unsuccessfully, losing 0-1 to drop to 4th place overall in their inaugural season in Series V.

Season 48

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
48	3rd place in V.54	4th Round	None	Àlex Jové	11

Following a week 2 win over Jerkin It F.C., LL peaked at its highest ranking ever ((950), later broken as they ascended to 851)), as well as reaching the most successful ranking of any team started in week 1 of season 43.

The team remained in first place for the first 6 weeks of the season, until being beaten in back-to-back matches by FC Deich, falling to 2nd and 3rd place in consecutive weeks. The team currently sits in 4th place following a string of poor performances.

Season 49

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
49	3rd place in V.54	4th Round	None	Frederic Busquets/Emil Jopek	8

The team sandbagged through the first four weeks, winning just 1 match and losing the rest. After this, due to an inspirational speech by Coach Myszko written by Jeff Goldblum's housemaid, the team turned it around and managed to take the next 9 matches, staging a final week 14 matchup against 1st place San Marcos Revolutionaries. The match, on the road for LL, was a winner-take-all between first and second place. Rev's shot out to a 2-1 lead as 3 goals were scored in the first 9 minutes of the match, and at the half the teams went into the locker rooms at a 3-2 lead in favor of the Revs. In the 54th minute, the lead was widened to 4-2, and all the LOAF'S could manage was a 4-3 loss as the Cindarella run ended at the final minute.

Season 50

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
50	1st place in V.54	4th Round		Tiziano Caneva	9

See LOAF'S LOAFS Season 50 for more information.

Season 51

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
51	1st place in V.54	6th Rd		Guido Alvisi	6

See LOAF'S LOAFS Season 51 for more information.

Season 52

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
52	6th place in IV.23	3rd Rd	None	Emmerich Lessmeister	3

See LOAF'S LOAFS Season 52 for more information.

LOAF'S LOAFS Season 53

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
53	4th place in IV.23	3rd Round	None	Enoch Cheek	7+2

LOAF'S LOAFS Season 54

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
54	2nd place in IV.23	3rd	None	Enoch Cheek	7+6

LOAF'S LOAFS Season 55

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
55	1st place in IV.23	4th		Emmerich Lessmeister	16+4

LOAF'S LOAFS Season 56

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
56	3rd place in IV.23	3rd		Enoch Cheek	12+1

Thanks

This page was originally created by RUKENT, thanks for his great work!
Thanks to Unknown_Guy for his Wiki-CHPP application HT-Mess