LOAF'S LOAFS

LOAF'S LOAFS (228010)

The LOAF'S LOAFS Unofficial Logo, featuring its slogan "LONG LIVE THE LOAF," also known simply as "LLTL"
Birthdate	08.10.2010
Country	USA
Region	Pennsylvania
Zone	North America
Stadium	The Bakery
Rival	Battle Toads FC
Fan club	The Yeast Army (1842 Fans as of 1/24/12)
League	V.54 (USA)
Current Coach	Terencjusz "Terrence" Myszko (Since 11-2-11)
Past Coaches	George Strange (08/10/10 - 12/24/10), Tom Frisch (12/24/10 - 11/2/11)

LOAF'S LOAFS is an American soccer club originating in Pennsylvania, more specifically in the suburban-Philadelphia area. It plays its home games at The Bakery in Series V.54, USA. The team's only rival is Battle Toads FC (BTFC). Scarves and bottle openers are available at our online store for painfully high prices.

The Loaf

How it all went down

LOAF'S LOAFS came about as its founder/creator was eating a large, slightly burnt, and extremely tasty sandwich in his dorm room during his senior year of college. Upon completion of the sandwich, he initially wanted to buy his own team in Italy's Lega Pro Prima Divisione from his savings mowing lawns during the summer, but figured HT would be a good, slightly less risky indicator as to weather he could do it in real life, too

Current squad

AGE	NAT.	NAME	ORIGINS	SINCE	POS.	COMMENTS
19		Abraham Marti		4-22-2011	Reserve Defender
17		Austin March	LOAF'S LOAFS	10-26-2011	Reserve Middy
18		Cary Dobson	LOAF'S LOAFS	6-28-2011	Backup Middy	The Future.
20		Edgar Engelen		7-16-2011	Starting Central Defender	Father played for Belgian National Team
19		Filip Dukic		5-29-2011	Reserve Middy	Served 2 years in Croatian Military
18		Gerard Harman	LOAF'S LOAFS	10-2-2011	Reserve Winger	Openly Gay
19		Guido Avisi		6-1-2011	Starting Middy	Acts during the off-season
19		Johnny Power	LOAF'S LOAFS	9-26-2011	Reserve Forward
21		Johnny Visentin		12-5-2010	Starting Middy	Doesn't Speak English
20		Jonas Larsson		6-3-2011	Starting Winger	Spent a year in jail
35		Leif Bernerberg		10-26-2011	Starting Central Defender
19		Luke Doughty	LOAF'S LOAFS	10-10-2011	Reserve Wingback
19		Mikey Balsiger	LOAF'S LOAFS	3-11-2011	Starting Middy	Owns his own surf company
32		Miroslav Zerek		3-10-2011	Backup Goalkeeper	Has children from 4 diff. women
32		Niklas Koch		1-26-2011	Starting Forward
28		Orestes Benavides	LOAF'S LOAFS	8-10-2010	Reserve Forward
21		Peer Hansen		7-13-2011	Starting Wingback
24		Rafa Aranda		10-13-2010	Starting Winger	Lazy Mexican
39		Rients Kap		10-26-2011	Bench Warmer/Asst. Coach
19		Russ Fontaine		11-6-2011	Starting Keeper/Savior	Owns a corn farm in Nebraska
29		Ryan Urner		8-27-2010	Reserve Forward	LL All-Time Leading Scorer
34		Terencjusz Myszko		8-18-2010	Reserve Forward/Coach	Unibrowed Phenom
33		Thibaud Lucas		4-2-2011	Starting Forward	Waffle Machine
18		Torquato Righini	LOAF'S LOAFS	8-30-2011	Reserve Middy	Worthless.
21		William Stewart	LOAF'S LOAFS	1-3-2011	Bench Warmer
36		Vladan Kilibarda		7-16-2011	Reserve Central Defender
35		Xurde Cagiga		7-16-2011	Reserve Forward	125 Career Goals

Stadium

The Bakery is the arena of LOAF'S LOAFS. The total capacity is 23,050.

In its four seasons, it has hosted 17 concerts, including a 3-day weekend sellout by Billy Joel and an "absolutely epic, brah" concert by The Insane Clown Posse, as quoted by lead singer "Shaggy 2 Dope."

It was also home to Weedfest 2010, hosted by Ralph Nader.

Raised in the team

NAME	SOLD TO CLUB	DATE	PRICE
Rex Sherrill	mex'07 a1	10-29-2010	$3 000
Lamont Eckert	US Trentino	03-11-2011	$80 000
Billy Holmes	US Trentino	08-01-2011	$608 000
Chet Davison	boloro	09-22-2011	$71 000
Total players: 4	Total sold:		762 000 $

The Derby

Every team needs a rival, but some teams simply take it too far.

History

Series Play	Friendly Play	Most Recent Winner	Top scorer	Goals
5-2 (LL +8)	4-3 (BTFC +1)	BTFC (1-1 (4-3) Friendly)	Johnny Visentin	3

Season Breakdowns

Season 43

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
43	4th in VI.766	1st round	none	Ryan Urner	8

Season 43 started out "with a bang", as quoted by first-ever team captain/raging alcoholic Lee Ernest. I don't think he was referring to the actual soccer season.

The team battled with injuries and shared women as conflict swept through the locker room quicker than the team's rare strand of herpes. The "C" was stripped from Goalkeeper Ernest and given to Terencjusz "Terrence" Myszko, who served as captain for next 2 seasons.

The team finished a morbid but eager 4th place, with an aggregate of +22 goals and 23 points, but a disappointing 2nd leg loss in "The Derby" as LL got mopped up and swatted away by cross-town rivals, Battle Toads FC.

Season 44

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
44	3rd in VI.766	2nd round	none	Ryan Urner	16

LL added key young components to its midfield as well as a new coach in Swiss (cheese) phenom Tom Frisch.

Absolute mayhem swept the streets of LOAFVILLE, PA as the team took the 1st round of the US Open Cup in stunning yet controversial fashion. In the 27' against Bluesters United, a streaker was seen running across the field, but refs refused to blow the whistle. Rafa Aranda took advantage of this mishap and netted a goal to go up 3-0, which was even too big for LL to blow.

A modest 3rd place, 31 point finish was in store for season 44, again splitting against rival BTFC, but winning its last 2 games against BTFC and perennial league VI giant/assgoblin UM Terps.

What would 45 have in store for the Loaf...

Season 45

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
45	2nd in VI.766	1st round	none	Ryan Urner/Niklas Koch	16

Season 45 started in the shitter and ended...in the shitter. The team cruised most of the season, taking the all-important 1-2 matchup at UM Terps and entering the second half of the season ready to host the same team. The manager, unfortunately, forgot to show up because he entered a bar just 3 hours prior to gametime and did not come out until a week later.

The team dropped the ever-decisive match, and therefore finished the season in a tie for first with UM Terps, but well behind in aggregate. Another season was yet in store for LL in this shitter of USA.

Season 46

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
46	1nd in VI.766	2nd round		Niklas Koch	21

During the offseason, Middy great Mikael Ulstrap was sold off for more than $2 million to make way for the transfers of Peer Hansen and Edgar Engelen, 2 dominant young defenders who would go on to have shut down seasons, allowing a total of 6 goals (0 at home).

FOCUS, preached Coach Frisch at the beginning of the season, and focus they did for 14 straight weeks. The table had been ran. LL pulled off the undefeated season. Aside from a 3-2 narrow victory in week 1, no team had come within 3 goals of defeating the series VI powerhouse.

With an aggregate of +81, the team was directly promoted to series V.54, riding on the coattails of IMs Gualtiero Moneta, Johnny Visentin, and young Italian phenom Guido Avisi.

Season 47

Season	League	US Open Cup	Trophies	Top goalscorer	Goals
46	V.54	3rd Round	in progress	Ryan Urner/Thibaud Lucas	3

The Yeast Army multiplied like bunnies during the offseason. After a 1st round win over a robot, LL management brought in 19 year old [Russ Fontaine] to main the gate, a position LL lacked since...the beginning of time.

In its first contest ever in series V, LL took down other direct promotion opponent, Gate 13, in a 2-0 hard-fought away match.

The team set another franchise milestone on November 10th, 2011 with a 1-0 (Hansen 76') victory at The Bakery against Terabytes, advancing to the 3rd round of the US Open Cup for the first time ever.

On the weekend of week 2, LL's usual intra-team drama began. 19 year-old surfing entrepreneur Mikey Balsiger failed to throw out a used happy tissue and accidentally left it in front of Rafa Aranda's locker. This was seen by the team as a hate crime, and the team broke out into a fight; minorities vs. white people.

After a week 2 win over yet another first-time series V team, LL improved to 2-0 on the season, shattering franchise records for consecutive wins as well as national rank, as seen below.

In the final game of the season, in front of a sold out crowd at the Bakery, song writer/singer/international hunk Mike Posner performed his new single "Gettin' High at The Bakery" during the halftime spectacle.

Thanks

This page was originally created by RUKENT, thanks for his great work!
Thanks to Unknown_Guy for his Wiki-CHPP application HT-Mess