Battle Toads FC
 The official logo of Battle Toads FC, also the second logo in the team's history. The current version pays homage to the primary sponsor (KFC) and the home state (PA)" | |
| Birthdate | 09.06.2010 |
| Country |  USA
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| Region | Pennsylvania |
| Zone | North America |
| Stadium | Deez Memorial Stadium sponsored by KFC |
| Rival | LOAF'S LOAFS |
| Fan club | The Swamp Monsters |
| League | V.7 (USA) |
| Current Coach | Sheldon Herndon (Since 7-2-12)
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| Home Match Kits | 
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| Away Match Kits | 
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| Arena | 
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| Trophies | 
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Battle Toads FC is an American soccer club originating in Pennsylvania, more specifically in the suburban-Philadelphia area. It plays its home games at Deez Memorial Stadium in Series V.7, USA. The team's only rival is LOAF'S LOAFS (LL) also a suburban-Philadelphia based team founded weeks before BTFC. The club's rivalry is notoriously violent ever since the first Derby. There is a memorial statue in the geographic center between Deez Memorial Stadium and The Bakery named the "Stone Tight Memorial of the Fallen." It honors both those murdered and the murderers of the longstanding rivalry. In early 2011 former BTFC midfielder Jim Mann and former LL forward Erin Whitt co-wrote the book "Chronicles of the Tight Butthole" detailing aspects of the rivalry on and off the field. The club was formed by the management group "The Salazar," but purchased by "DICKS" amid accusations of gambling, money laundering, prostitution, and wide-spread drug distribution while operating under "The Salazar." The team is a consistent participant in the Tight Butthole Republic tournament.
Growing of the Toads
Formation
Battle Toads FC came about merely through peer pressure and rivalry. Club owner "kazaam026" best friend and identical rival began a club weeks before, "LOAF'S LOAFS." Not one to be showed up the Battle Toads were born. In addition to an elaborate initiation process into any part of the organization, BTFC prides itself on its aggressiveness in every aspect of the game. The team's rivalry with "LOAF'S LOAFS" is one example of that.
The original club was made up of mixed ages and races of players. Most are no longer playing in Hattrick anymore, but many laid the foundation that the Toads pride themselves on. The original BTFC starting playing in VI. 766 four games into Season 43. The team's first game was against the "Tender Danglers." They tied 2-2.
Stadium
Deez Memorial Stadium sponsored by KFC is the arena of Battle Toads FC. The total capacity is 35,000.
The stadium is named after the great Asian entrepreneur, Summa Deez. Deez wanted to make sure everyone enjoyed his wealth and after he died in a brutal jet-skiing accident his will dictated that the majority of his funds be given to the public to build a soccer facility named after him. The rest of the money went to M.A.D.D.
With Deez's $5 Million contribution, coupled with the matching donation from KFC for stadium naming rights, and jersey representation, the stadium was built.
Construction was finished on September 9, 2010. The first game played at the stadium was against cross-town rivals "LOAF'S LOAFS" on September 16, 2010. Before the game there were pre-game ceremonies to commemorate September 11, 2001 and additionally all the victims that had already been killed in the games pre-game hours of the Tight Butthole rivalry.
The stadium has held over 20 concerts in its 2 years. The Dixie Chicks have played 4 sold-out shows, while LL Cool J has sold out 6 shows.
Deez Memorial is also home to Pennsylvania's Annual Monster-Truck & Moto-cross, Chili Con-Carney Cookoff Circus & Carnival. The event annually brings in over 2,000,000 visitors in 2 days.
At the entrance to the stadium there is a statue that commemorates the victims of "The Tight Butthole Rivalry."
Raised In This Team
| NAME | SOLD TO | DATE | PRICE | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Alejandro Bejarano |  TSV Nördlingen |
3-12-2011 | $200 000 | |
| Arthur Davis |  Asgar |
12-5-2011 | $5 000 | |
| Charles Vargas |  Straffe FK |
7-16-2012 | $45 000 | |
| Donald Caseltine |  suicide machine |
8-31-2012 | $1 500 | |
| Ed Ashcraft |  vefasızlar |
2-2-2011 | $11 000 | |
| Ed Mclean |  FC Pestkoppen |
3-12-2011 | $200 000 | |
| Gerald James |  fc insiderz |
8-13-2012 | $7 600 | |
| Hud Urban | Real_United |
2-6-2012 | $25 000 | |
| Kris Willoughby | ATLETICO MOIANENSE futbol club |
7-30-2012 | $11 000 | |
| Luis Aréchiga |  HFC Laika |
7-1-2011 | $11 000 | |
| Marc Covington | FC Hugo27 |
8-10-2012 | $2 000 | |
| Prince Kirkpatrick |  Little Gamble |
8-25-2011 | $38 000 | |
| Scott Belcher | SAXXON FC |
3-4-2011 | $100 000 | |
| Thad Liles | AC Spartakus |
1-25-2012 | $102 000 | |
| Timmy Tate | FC Chemlab 04 |
1-3-2011 | $2 000 | |
| Timothy Forman |  Umbkottid |
3-4-2011 | $7 000 | |
| (Yu) 永文 (Yongwen) | Mourinho's Men |
10-1-2011 | $1 250 000 |
Current squad
| # | NAT. | NAME | ORIGINS | SINCE | POS. | COMMENTS |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 27 |  |
Alberto Salgado | 9-16-2010 | Reserve Defender | ||
| 16 |  |
Alvar Pilbeck | 1-23-2012 | Reserve Midfielder | ||
| 25 | |
Ángel Murúa | Battle Toads FC |
3-16-2012 | Reserve Striker | Very shy |
| 17 | |
António Esteves | 2-26-2012 | Starting Striker | ||
| 18 | |
Claude Koiner | Battle Toads FC |
2-6-2012 | Reserve Midfielder | Doesn't like playing soccer |
| 22 | |
Conrad Ladner | Battle Toads FC |
1-31-2012 | Reserve Midfielder | |
| 28 | |
Damian McClain | 8-2-2012 | Reserve Midfielder | Former LL (traitor) | |
| 15 | |
Eli Loeffen | 1-10-2012 | Starting Defender | Team and fan clubs weed dealer | |
| 12 | |
Giovanni Manna | 7-21-2011 | Reserve Midfielder | Speaks very poor English | |
| 6 | |
Howie Harry | Battle Toads FC |
8-17-2011 | Starting Inner Midfielder | 4-time winner of BTFC "Golden Boy" Award |
| 21 |  |
Ireneusz Bronk | 3-1-2011 | Starting Wing Back | Captain | |
| 2 | |
Jean-Bonoit Lorian | Battle Toads FC |
9-7-2011 | Starting Winger | Proud teabagger of rookies |
| 14 | |
Juan Soto | 10-21-2011 | Reserve Midfielder | Meekus | |
| 26 | |
Juan Carlos Hortúa | Battle Toads FC |
4-18-2011 | Reserve Midfielder | Team Whipping Boy |
| 9 | |
Juliusz Fukowski | |
6-29-2011 | Starting Wing Back | Goes by "Fucksy" |
| 4 | |
Leo Kapus | 6-26-2011 | Starting Central Defender | Strips at a gay strip club in the offseason. | |
| 20 | |
Lutomysl Nasierwoski | 5-10-2011 | Starting Forward | Addicted to vodka | |
| 23 | |
Marino Giordano | 5-27-2012 | Starting Defenseman | Hates playing in America | |
| 1 |  |
Milorad Iličević | 10-10-2011 | Starting Goalkeeper | Indifferent to this team | |
| 99 |  |
Murat Aschwanden | 11-1-2011 | Reserve Goalkeeper | Used to be a woman | |
| 5 | |
Rafal Andersz | 9-8-2011 | Reserve Defender | Excellent fisherman | |
| 11 | |
Scott Mosley | Battle Toads FC |
9-7-2011 | Starting Winger | BTFC Hero |
| 13 | |
Shelby Seals | Battle Toads FC |
10-5-2011 | Reserve Midfielder | Looked at porn once and now thinks he's badass |
| 19 | |
Steve McCory | Battle Toads FC |
9-23-2012 | Reserve Midfielder | Wants to quite soccer |
| 10 | |
Tyree Swartz | Battle Toads FC |
9-7-2011 | Tyree Swartz | Huge asshole to most everybody, except women |
| 7 | |
Will Moore | Battle Toads FC |
3-5-2011 | Reserve Forward | Has no idea what's going on |
Flag Collection
Home
Arena Deez Memorial Stadium sponsored by KFC has hosted teams from 13 of 128 countries.
Away
Battle Toads FC has visited 50 of 128 countries.
Season Breakdowns
Season 43
| Season | League | US Open Cup | Trophies | Top goalscorer | Goals |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 43 | 3rd in VI.766 | 1st round | none | Scott Mosley | 8 |
The club played its first ever game on September 9, 2010 against Minnesota based team Tender Danglers. The team tied 2-2. The first goal ever scored by the Toads came from Scott Belcher, known already in the forming days of the club, as the biggest asshole in Pennsylvania. Nonetheless the team drank aggressively to celebrate the franchise's first ever game.
The hangovers lasted through Sunday as the team was mercilessly crushed in its first series came to UM Terps. 7-0 was the final score, but it was a dismal performance that included several bookings and injuries. The nastiness against the Terps would continue for season to come. The team would later beat UMT in the season, deemed the greatest triumph the club had ever seen. Obviously, many members of the team were drunk, and played drunk in the next game.
The team would regroup and finish 8-0-2 under kazaam026 and the club called the season a success. This despite a brutal incident involving the club's assistant coach Timothy Sampson, who had to have all 10 of his toes amputated after a terrible incident involving himself and his ex-wife and multiple hot plates. Drugs and large quantities of Four Loko were said to have been involved as well.
The club was very optimistic entering season 44, despite the agreed consensus that opponent UM Terps was "douching it up big time" in VI. 744 for BTFC and rival and accomplice LOAF'S LOAFS.
Season 44
| Season | League | US Open Cup | Trophies | Top goalscorer | Goals |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 44 | 2nd in VI.766 | 1st round | none | Scott Mosley | 14 |
Opptomism was extremely high for BTFC entering the season. The club believed it had a real shot to take the title and move up a division in just it's second year. The club was disappointed and defeated by AJAX Arkansas in the first round of the U.S. Cup. BTFC used this as motivation entering VI. season, hoping to prove it could become an elite team. The mood was even more improved after first season game against arch-rival LOAF'S LOAFS. BTFC outworked LL and it showed in the final score, 7-1 in front of a sold out Deez Memorial. The crowd was thrilled by the play on the field in addition to the positive death differential the Swamp Monsters enjoyed after the pre-game festivities.
The team cruised in match play through the new year. In the first of a home-and-home with UM Terps, BTFC drew away. BTFC knew if it could win at home they would most likely advance to D. V. Despite playing the team's best game of the season, a costly injury to leading scorer Scott Mosley ruined the teams chances as UMT defeated them 2-0. The loss was crushing for the club and would lead to a downward spiral among the upper management.
The team lost the last game of the season to LOAF'S LOAFS, which completely deflated the font office, leading to the start of what would be a scandal-filled season 45. The team finished 11-1-2 with 34 points and was destine to remain in VI. 766 for at least one more year.
The team began the NESN Champions Cup Derby with The Boston Blue Devils in this season. One game a month would determine who would be the keeper of the cup for the month. This cup was exclusively used in each team's drinking endeavors and served as a large point of pride.
Season 45
| Season | League | US Open Cup | Trophies | Top goalscorer | Goals |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 45 | 3rd in VI.766 | 2nd round | none | Tyree Swartz | 14 |
What began as small scaled drug dealing to The Swamp Monsters started to circulate on a much wider level for the front office of DICKS management. After the bad defeat to LOAF'S LOAFS in the last game of the season the management started spreading drugs throughout the community. In addition, the management laundered large amount of money and was rumored to be involved with terrorist organizations.
The public was in dismay, but was helpless to how popular the team had gotten in the area. The supporters through the players embodied the tough-nosed, don't take shit attitude, the team played with.
However, after a 2-0-2 start, with losses to both UM Terps and LL, DICKS management was out and "The Salazar" took over. The season was already written off after the two losses, so the team started planning for the future - buying and selling young talent to stockpile money for a later run through the divisions.
The team finished 10-0-4 with 30 points, finishing in 3rd with both losses coming to UM Terps and LOAF'S LOAFS.
Season 46
| Season | League | US Open Cup | Trophies | Top goalscorer | Goals |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 46 | 3rd in VI.766 | 3rd round | none | Scott Mosley | 14 |
The highpoint in the season would come early as BTFC made a run to the 3rd round of the U.S. Open. With 3 home games the fans and sponsors loved the buzz around the team. The new drug-free management seemed to be just what the organization needed.
Things changed for the worst 4 games into macthplay as LL's flexed their recent dominance of BTFC, taking the first derby match 3-0. It would be a repeat of last year as BTFC would lose both games to UM Terps and LL. The crosstown rival won both the final match 3-0 in what would likely be the last time the teams would meet in Derby in a matchplay match.
The team finished 10-0-4 with 30 points again. After the second loss to UM Terps the Battle Toads began the player cultivation process again, selling off over $3 million worth of players looking towards the future.
Season 47
| Season | League | US Open Cup | Trophies | Top goalscorer | Goals |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 47 | 2nd in VI.766 | 2nd round | none | Scott Mosley | 17 |
In what will go down as the most disappointing season in the club's history, the Battle Toads finished 12-2-0 losing to UM Terps 5-2 and 3-2.
"Embarrassing on all accounts," said general manager kazaam026. "This was not the result we wanted or expected. 48 out is nut up or shut the fu*k up."
The club added talented Croatian goalkeeper Milorad Iličević and from Amsterdam Eli Loeffen, who began dealing pot to both teammates and high-ranking members of the fan club, The Swamp Monsters. He was forgiven for his misdoings as long as he agreed to contract stipulations, which he did.
Players continued to emerge but late in the season after a home loss to UM Terps club manager Egoitz Rubio told members of the media he feared that if he lost another match to UM Terps (which would be the first of the season with the clubs finishing 1 and 2, and Terps throwing their last game and qualification match for reasons simply known as "douching it up") that he will be fired immediately.
GM kazaam026 confirmed Rubio's fears in a press conference 5 minutes later. "48 or bust," said kazaam026, adding, "that's the bottlime with this group. I know people."
Season 48
| Season | League | US Open Cup | Trophies | Top goalscorer | Goals |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 48 | 1st in VI.766 | 3rd round |  |
Tyree Swartz | 11 |
"We can't have this. This can't stand," is all that general manger kazaam026 had to say after the final game of season 48 - a 4-2 loss to the Texans United in a division V qualifying match.
The club held steady during the regular season, finishing 13-1-0 in the regular season. The team was on the right track until the final game of the season - yet, another 1-0 loss to UM Terps. The loss took the team out of the automatic promotion status and forced the Toads to play qualifying.
The team won the trophy for VI. 766, but that was no consolation for the team that would have to remain in division VI for another season.
General Manger kazaam026 confirmed that manager Egoitz Rubio would be fired in the second week of season 49 after the match vs. UM Terps. "He has been given enough of a chance," the GM said. "He has certainly helped this team get better, but he has peaked, and we need a change."
Season 49
| Season | League | US Open Cup | Trophies | Top goalscorer | Goals |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 49 | 1st in VI.766 | 2nd round | |
Tyree Swartz | 16 |
After years in the slums of Division 6 the Toads finally conquered all their demons, improved their steroid-use while observing a stricter curfew (3 AM on game nights rather than 4 AM in previous seasons), and bonded as a team. The year started with a 3-0 home win vs the only competition in the series, UM Terps.
The team knew it could cruise, and cruise they did through the rest of the series schedule. The team focused up after a 2nd round elimination to COBRELOA USA. The Toads finished off their triumphant season by dominating UM Terps 6-0 at Ludwig Field. Reports said the decimation to the visiting locker room at the Terps home field, once BTFC had finished their postgame celebration was so beyond repair. UM Terps had to demolotion the entire locker room and build a new one. A representative of the team refused to confirm or deny reports that the Toads refused to pay for any damages out of seasons worth of spite. BTFC went an impressive 14-0-0 on the serie season, outscoring opponents 104-1.
The success can in large part be attributed to the hiring of manager Sheldon Herndon in week 3 of the season. The team had purchased him an entire season earlier and groomed him to lead the team. Former manger Egoitz Rubio was promptly fired as soon as Herndon was ready. "I knew this was coming," Rubio commented in his post-firing press conference. "I knew he was replacing me, but I felt such loyalty to the Toads that I made sure I made Herndon better than me. And also I received a huge amount of death threats from the Swamp Monsters."
The extra pressure by the team's fanbase certainly helped the move and probably also the Toads domination in the Tight Butthole Republic. TBR tournament that the team has proved to be the most successful of any participant.
Season 50
| Season | League | US Open Cup | Trophies | Top goalscorer | Goals |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 50 | 3rd in V.7 | 2nd round | none | Stoffel Vrede | 10 |
Thanks
This page was originally created by RUKENT, thanks for his great work!
Thanks to Unknown_Guy for his Wiki-CHPP application HT-Mess
