Tight Butthole Derby: Difference between revisions

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===Statistics===
===Statistics===
{{table-begin}}
        |-
! scope="col" class="unsortable" | Nat.
! Player
! Goals
! Hattricks
! NT
! U20
                ! Comment
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|USA}}
| [[Russ Werewolf Fontaine]] {{Playerid|324439314|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Owns a corn farm in Nebraska
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Colombia}}
| Emmanuel  Chávez {{Playerid|136421510|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 128
| style="text-align:center;" | 5
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Served 2 years in prison for Drug Trafficking
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Denmark}}
| Peer  Hansen {{Playerid|304310927|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 21
| style="text-align:center;" | 1
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Has 2 children with Tennis Star Caroline Wozniacki
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|USA}}
| Darryl  Wilks {{Playerid|359696857|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 2
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Started losing his hair at age 12
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Belgium}}
| Thibaud  Lucas {{Playerid|172100490|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 87
| style="text-align:center;" | 7
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Wears 3 shirts under his jersey due to embarrassment of large nipples
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|USA}}
| Cary  Dobson {{Playerid|325304775|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 9
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Once shaved unibrow at a benefit fundraising event, raised $300,000
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Czech Republic}}
| [[Emil  Jopek]] {{Playerid|222435896|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 104
| style="text-align:center;" | 9
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Has dedicated his next 25 goals to his dog, Cassy
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|USA}}
| [[Jason  Fortier]] {{Playerid|323049116|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 7
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Has been married 6 times
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Italy}}
| [[Guido  Alvisi]] {{Playerid|317899138|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 16
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Balances football career with recurring role on MTV's "The Jersey Shore"
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|USA}}
| Mikey  Balsiger {{Playerid|316126062|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 16
| style="text-align:center;" | 1
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Does not know the capital of the USA
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Belgium}}
| Edgar  Engelen {{Playerid|307927721|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 8
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Mother was a prostitute
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Slovenia}}
| Miroslav  Žerak {{Playerid|177026433|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Used to wear a monocle
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Spain}}
| Frederic Zorro Busquets {{Playerid|322048706|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 22
| style="text-align:center;" | 1
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Hosts a children's educational series, shown weekly on PBS
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|USA}}
| Austin  March {{Playerid|334743196|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 8
| style="text-align:center;" | 1
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Is black.
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Spain}}
| Àlex  Jové {{Playerid|133267730|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 171
| style="text-align:center;" | 11
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Thinks Mexicans speak jibberish.
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Sweden}}
| Leif  Bernerberg {{Playerid|143881525|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 54
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Remembers when he used to matter to soccer teams.
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Austria}}
| Niklas  Koch {{Playerid|230099294|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 72
| style="text-align:center;" | 8
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Single-season goal scoring record holder with 21
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Germany}}
| Ryan  Urner {{Playerid|202777026|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 78
| style="text-align:center;" | 8
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | LOAF'S all-time goal scoring record holder with 63
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Bulgaria}}
| Andrey  Stoyanov {{Playerid|178476835|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 54
| style="text-align:center;" | 5
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Probably came here to learn English, because he sure as hell didn't come to play soccer.
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Poland}}
| Terencjusz  Myszko {{Playerid|253395207|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 12
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Trademarked "Fear the unibrow" first.
|}


===The George Bush Memorial Award===
===The George Bush Memorial Award===
This award is awarded after every season to the player that has accumulated the highest combination of Red and Yellow cards.
Red cards being worth 3 points, and Yellow cards being worth 1.

Revision as of 11:30, 8 September 2012

The TBH Derby (Head-to-Head)

View of the streets of Berwyn, Pennsylvania, USA, after a LOAF'S LOAFS home loss in PK's on 16 Dec, 2011.
First Match 09.16.2010
Country  USA
Region Pennsylvania
Zone North America
Stadiums The Bakery and Deez Memorial Stadium
Teams Battle Toads FC& LOAF'S LOAFS
Fan club The Yeast Army (1900 Fans as of 3/12/12)
League V.54 (USA)

LOAF'S LOAFS is an American USA soccer club originating in Pennsylvania, more specifically in the suburban-Philadelphia area. It plays its home games at The Bakery in Series V.54, USA. The team's only rival is Battle Toads FC (BTFC). Scarves and bottle openers are available at our online store for painfully high prices.


Battles

Statistics

Nat. Player Goals Hattricks NT U20 Comment
USA Russ Werewolf Fontaine 0 0 0 0 Owns a corn farm in Nebraska
Colombia Emmanuel Chávez 128 5 0 0 Served 2 years in prison for Drug Trafficking
Denmark Peer Hansen 21 1 0 0 Has 2 children with Tennis Star Caroline Wozniacki
USA Darryl Wilks 2 0 0 0 Started losing his hair at age 12
Belgium Thibaud Lucas 87 7 0 0 Wears 3 shirts under his jersey due to embarrassment of large nipples
USA Cary Dobson 9 0 0 0 Once shaved unibrow at a benefit fundraising event, raised $300,000
Czech Republic Emil Jopek 104 9 0 0 Has dedicated his next 25 goals to his dog, Cassy
USA Jason Fortier 7 0 0 0 Has been married 6 times
Italy Guido Alvisi 16 0 0 0 Balances football career with recurring role on MTV's "The Jersey Shore"
USA Mikey Balsiger 16 1 0 0 Does not know the capital of the USA
Belgium Edgar Engelen 8 0 0 0 Mother was a prostitute
Slovenia Miroslav Žerak 0 0 0 0 Used to wear a monocle
Spain Frederic Zorro Busquets 22 1 0 0 Hosts a children's educational series, shown weekly on PBS
USA Austin March 8 1 0 0 Is black.
Spain Àlex Jové 171 11 0 0 Thinks Mexicans speak jibberish.
Sweden Leif Bernerberg 54 0 0 0 Remembers when he used to matter to soccer teams.
Austria Niklas Koch 72 8 0 0 Single-season goal scoring record holder with 21
Germany Ryan Urner 78 8 0 0 LOAF'S all-time goal scoring record holder with 63
Bulgaria Andrey Stoyanov 54 5 0 0 Probably came here to learn English, because he sure as hell didn't come to play soccer.
Poland Terencjusz Myszko 12 0 0 0 Trademarked "Fear the unibrow" first.


The George Bush Memorial Award

This award is awarded after every season to the player that has accumulated the highest combination of Red and Yellow cards.

Red cards being worth 3 points, and Yellow cards being worth 1.

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