Tight Butthole Derby: Difference between revisions

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{{table-begin}}
{{table-begin}}
         |-
         |-
! scope="col" class="unsortable" | Nat.
! Date
! Player
                ! Type
! Goals
! Venue
! Hattricks
! Score
! NT
! Winner
! U20
                ! Goals
                ! Comment
! Series to date
 
|-
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|USA}}
            | style="padding-left:10px;" | 9-16-2010
| [[Russ Werewolf Fontaine]] {{Playerid|324439314|icon}}
    | style="text-align:center;" | Friendly
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
            | style="text-align:center;" | Deez Memorial
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | 0-3
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | LL
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | Urner (1), Brych (1), Gamarra (1)
                | style="text-align:center;" | Owns a corn farm in Nebraska
            | style="text-align:center;" | 1-0 LL '''W1'''
|-
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Colombia}}
            | style="padding-left:10px;" | 10-14-2010
| Emmanuel  Chávez {{Playerid|136421510|icon}}
    | style="text-align:center;" | Friendly
| style="text-align:center;" | 128
    | style="text-align:center;" | The Bakery
| style="text-align:center;" | 5
    | style="text-align:center;" | 3-2
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | LL
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
            | style="text-align:center;" | Urner (2), Sherril (1, 2), '''Lytle (1), Andersz (1)'''
                | style="text-align:center;" | Served 2 years in prison for Drug Trafficking
            | style="text-align:center;" | 2-0 LL '''W2'''
|-
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Denmark}}
            | style="padding-left:10px;" | 11-8-2010
| Peer  Hansen {{Playerid|304310927|icon}}
    | style="text-align:center;" | [[Series]]
| style="text-align:center;" | 21
    | style="text-align:center;" | Deez Memorial
| style="text-align:center;" | 1
    | style="text-align:center;" | 4-1
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | BTFC
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
            | style="text-align:center;" | '''Lorion (1), Mosley (1), Nicoló (1), Kansala (1),''' Vahasaari (1)
                | style="text-align:center;" | Has 2 children with Tennis Star Caroline Wozniacki
            | style="text-align:center;" | 2-1 LL '''L1'''
|-
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|USA}}
            | style="padding-left:10px;" | 12-6-2010
| Darryl  Wilks {{Playerid|359696857|icon}}
    | style="text-align:center;" | [[Series]]
| style="text-align:center;" | 2
    | style="text-align:center;" | Deez Memorial
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | 7-1
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | BTFC
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
            | style="text-align:center;" | '''Nicoló (2), Mosley (2,3,4), Andersz (2,3,4),''' Benavides
                | style="text-align:center;" | Started losing his hair at age 12
            | style="text-align:center;" | 2-2 '''L2'''
|-
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Belgium}}
            | style="padding-left:10px;" | 1-6-2011
| Thibaud  Lucas {{Playerid|172100490|icon}}
    | style="text-align:center;" | Friendly
| style="text-align:center;" | 87
    | style="text-align:center;" | The Bakery
| style="text-align:center;" | 7
    | style="text-align:center;" | 0-1
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | BTFC
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
            | style="text-align:center;" | '''Sampayo (1)''' 105'
                | style="text-align:center;" | Wears 3 shirts under his jersey due to embarrassment of large nipples
            | style="text-align:center;" | 3-2 BTFC '''W3'''
|-
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|USA}}
            | style="padding-left:10px;" | 3-7-2011
| Cary  Dobson {{Playerid|325304775|icon}}
    | style="text-align:center;" | [[Series]]
| style="text-align:center;" | 9
    | style="text-align:center;" | The Bakery
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | 3-0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | LL
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
            | style="text-align:center;" | Visentin (1), Carmo (1), Aranda (1)
                | style="text-align:center;" | Once shaved unibrow at a benefit fundraising event, raised $300,000
            | style="text-align:center;" | 3-3 '''W1'''
|-
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Czech Republic}}
            | style="padding-left:10px;" | 3-10-2011
| [[Emil  Jopek]] {{Playerid|222435896|icon}}
    | style="text-align:center;" | Friendly
| style="text-align:center;" | 104
    | style="text-align:center;" | Deez Memorial
| style="text-align:center;" | 9
    | style="text-align:center;" | 2-0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | BTFC
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
            | style="text-align:center;" | '''Kansala (2), Lorion (2)'''
                | style="text-align:center;" | Has dedicated his next 25 goals to his dog, Cassy
            | style="text-align:center;" | 4-3 BTFC '''W1'''
|-
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|USA}}
            | style="padding-left:10px;" | 4-18-2011
| [[Jason  Fortier]] {{Playerid|323049116|icon}}
    | style="text-align:center;" | [[Series]]
| style="text-align:center;" | 7
    | style="text-align:center;" | Deez Memorial
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | 0-5
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | LL
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
            | style="text-align:center;" | Ulstrup (1), Aranda (2), Koch (1), Ciesielski (1), Vahasaari (2)
                | style="text-align:center;" | Has been married 6 times
            | style="text-align:center;" | 4-4 '''W1'''
|-
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Italy}}
            | style="padding-left:10px;" | 6-6-2011
| [[Guido  Alvisi]] {{Playerid|317899138|icon}}
    | style="text-align:center;" | [[Series]]
| style="text-align:center;" | 16
    | style="text-align:center;" | The Bakery
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | 3-0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | LL
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
            | style="text-align:center;" | Urner (3), Holmes (1), Koch (2)
                | style="text-align:center;" | Balances football career with recurring role on MTV's "The Jersey Shore"
            | style="text-align:center;" | 5-4 LL '''W2'''
|-
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|USA}}
            | style="padding-left:10px;" | 7-7-2011
| Mikey  Balsiger {{Playerid|316126062|icon}}
    | style="text-align:center;" | Friendly
| style="text-align:center;" | 16
    | style="text-align:center;" | The Bakery
| style="text-align:center;" | 1
    | style="text-align:center;" | 1-0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | LL
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
            | style="text-align:center;" | Ulstrup (2)
                | style="text-align:center;" | Does not know the capital of the USA
            | style="text-align:center;" | 6-4 LL '''W3'''
|-
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Belgium}}
            | style="padding-left:10px;" | 8-8-2011
| Edgar  Engelen {{Playerid|307927721|icon}}
    | style="text-align:center;" | [[Series]]
| style="text-align:center;" | 8
    | style="text-align:center;" | The Bakery
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | 3-0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | LL
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
            | style="text-align:center;" | Lucas (1), Ciesielski (2), Visentin (2)
                | style="text-align:center;" | Mother was a prostitute
            | style="text-align:center;" | 7-4 LL '''W4'''
|-
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Slovenia}}
            | style="padding-left:10px;" | 9-26-2011
| Miroslav  Žerak {{Playerid|177026433|icon}}
    | style="text-align:center;" | [[Series]]
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | Deez Memorial
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | 0-3
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | LL
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
            | style="text-align:center;" | Lucas (2), Visentin (3), Urner (4)
                | style="text-align:center;" | Used to wear a monocle
            | style="text-align:center;" | 8-4 LL '''W5'''
|-
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Spain}}
            | style="padding-left:10px;" | 10-27-2011
| Frederic Zorro Busquets {{Playerid|322048706|icon}}
    | style="text-align:center;" | Friendly
| style="text-align:center;" | 22
    | style="text-align:center;" | Deez Memorial
| style="text-align:center;" | 1
    | style="text-align:center;" | 3-1
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | BTFC
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
            | style="text-align:center;" | Koch (3), '''Mosley (5), Swartz (1), Nasierowski (1)'''
                | style="text-align:center;" | Hosts a children's educational series, shown weekly on PBS
            | style="text-align:center;" | 8-5 LL '''L1'''
|-
        |-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|USA}}
            | style="padding-left:10px;" | 12-8-2011
| Austin  March {{Playerid|334743196|icon}}
    | style="text-align:center;" | Friendly
| style="text-align:center;" | 8
    | style="text-align:center;" | Deez Memorial
| style="text-align:center;" | 1
    | style="text-align:center;" | 0-2
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | LL
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
            | style="text-align:center;" | Visentin (4), Benavides (1)
                | style="text-align:center;" | Is black.
            | style="text-align:center;" | 9-5 LL '''W1'''
|-
        |-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Spain}}
            | style="padding-left:10px;" | 2-16-2012
| Àlex  Jové {{Playerid|133267730|icon}}
    | style="text-align:center;" | Friendly
| style="text-align:center;" | 171
    | style="text-align:center;" | The Bakery
| style="text-align:center;" | 11
    | style="text-align:center;" | 1-1 (3-4)
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | BTFC
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
            | style="text-align:center;" | Balsiger (2), '''Loeffen (1)'''
                | style="text-align:center;" | Thinks Mexicans speak jibberish.
            | style="text-align:center;" | 9-6 LL '''L1'''
|-
        |-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Sweden}}
            | style="padding-left:10px;" | 4-16-2012
| Leif  Bernerberg {{Playerid|143881525|icon}}
    | style="text-align:center;" | '''Tournament'''
| style="text-align:center;" | 54
    | style="text-align:center;" | Neutral
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | 3-0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
    | style="text-align:center;" | LL
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
            | style="text-align:center;" | Harman (2), Alvisi (1)
                | style="text-align:center;" | Remembers when he used to matter to soccer teams.
            | style="text-align:center;" | 10-6 LL '''W1'''
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Austria}}
| Niklas  Koch {{Playerid|230099294|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 72
| style="text-align:center;" | 8
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Single-season goal scoring record holder with 21
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Germany}}
| Ryan  Urner {{Playerid|202777026|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 78
| style="text-align:center;" | 8
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | LOAF'S all-time goal scoring record holder with 63
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Bulgaria}}
| Andrey  Stoyanov {{Playerid|178476835|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 54
| style="text-align:center;" | 5
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Probably came here to learn English, because he sure as hell didn't come to play soccer.
|-
| style="text-align:center;" | {{flagicon|Poland}}
| Terencjusz  Myszko {{Playerid|253395207|icon}}
| style="text-align:center;" | 12
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
| style="text-align:center;" | 0
                | style="text-align:center;" | Trademarked "Fear the unibrow" first.
|}
|}


===The George Bush Memorial Award===
===The George Bush Memorial Award===

Revision as of 11:31, 8 September 2012

The TBH Derby (Head-to-Head)

View of the streets of Berwyn, Pennsylvania, USA, after a LOAF'S LOAFS home loss in PK's on 16 Dec, 2011.
First Match 09.16.2010
Country  USA
Region Pennsylvania
Zone North America
Stadiums The Bakery and Deez Memorial Stadium
Teams Battle Toads FC& LOAF'S LOAFS
Fan club The Yeast Army (1900 Fans as of 3/12/12)
League V.54 (USA)

LOAF'S LOAFS is an American USA soccer club originating in Pennsylvania, more specifically in the suburban-Philadelphia area. It plays its home games at The Bakery in Series V.54, USA. The team's only rival is Battle Toads FC (BTFC). Scarves and bottle openers are available at our online store for painfully high prices.


Battles

Statistics

Date Type Venue Score Winner Goals Series to date
9-16-2010 Friendly Deez Memorial 0-3 LL Urner (1), Brych (1), Gamarra (1) 1-0 LL W1
10-14-2010 Friendly The Bakery 3-2 LL Urner (2), Sherril (1, 2), Lytle (1), Andersz (1) 2-0 LL W2
11-8-2010 Series Deez Memorial 4-1 BTFC Lorion (1), Mosley (1), Nicoló (1), Kansala (1), Vahasaari (1) 2-1 LL L1
12-6-2010 Series Deez Memorial 7-1 BTFC Nicoló (2), Mosley (2,3,4), Andersz (2,3,4), Benavides 2-2 L2
1-6-2011 Friendly The Bakery 0-1 BTFC Sampayo (1) 105' 3-2 BTFC W3
3-7-2011 Series The Bakery 3-0 LL Visentin (1), Carmo (1), Aranda (1) 3-3 W1
3-10-2011 Friendly Deez Memorial 2-0 BTFC Kansala (2), Lorion (2) 4-3 BTFC W1
4-18-2011 Series Deez Memorial 0-5 LL Ulstrup (1), Aranda (2), Koch (1), Ciesielski (1), Vahasaari (2) 4-4 W1
6-6-2011 Series The Bakery 3-0 LL Urner (3), Holmes (1), Koch (2) 5-4 LL W2
7-7-2011 Friendly The Bakery 1-0 LL Ulstrup (2) 6-4 LL W3
8-8-2011 Series The Bakery 3-0 LL Lucas (1), Ciesielski (2), Visentin (2) 7-4 LL W4
9-26-2011 Series Deez Memorial 0-3 LL Lucas (2), Visentin (3), Urner (4) 8-4 LL W5
10-27-2011 Friendly Deez Memorial 3-1 BTFC Koch (3), Mosley (5), Swartz (1), Nasierowski (1) 8-5 LL L1
12-8-2011 Friendly Deez Memorial 0-2 LL Visentin (4), Benavides (1) 9-5 LL W1
2-16-2012 Friendly The Bakery 1-1 (3-4) BTFC Balsiger (2), Loeffen (1) 9-6 LL L1
4-16-2012 Tournament Neutral 3-0 LL Harman (2), Alvisi (1) 10-6 LL W1

The George Bush Memorial Award

This award is awarded after every season to the player that has accumulated the highest combination of Red and Yellow cards.

Red cards being worth 3 points, and Yellow cards being worth 1.

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