Tight Butthole Republic
 The first edition of the trophy, before it was eventually awarded to inaugural winners Spartan Curbstomp F.C. | |
| First Match | 05.14.2012 |
| Country |  USA
|
| Region | Pennsylvania |
| Zone | North America |
| Hosts | Battle Toads FC & LOAF'S LOAFS |
The Tight Butthole Republic is an American Tournament originating in Pennsylvania, more specifically in the suburban-Philadelphia area. The tournament is currently in its Third Edition as of 09.27.2012. It is internationally known as the toughest, most physical tournament of its kind, as many teams rarely choose to come back for a second try. The first season was marred by an advertising mishap, as Russian airline company Rossiya accidentally wrote the word "Sh**" seven times in their ad appearing on the side of the field. After this the tournament has moved on successfully, only accepting local advertisers.
Battles
Statistics
| Date | Type | Venue | Score | Winner | Goals | Series to date |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 9-16-2010 | Friendly | Deez Memorial | 0-3 | LL | Urner (1), Brych (1), Gamarra (1) | 1-0 LL W1 |
| 10-14-2010 | Friendly | The Bakery | 3-2 | LL | Urner (2), Sherril (1, 2), Lytle (1), Andersz (1) | 2-0 LL W2 |
| 11-8-2010 | Series | Deez Memorial | 4-1 | BTFC | Lorion (1), Mosley (1), Nicoló (1), Kansala (1), Vahasaari (1) | 2-1 LL L1 |
| 12-6-2010 | Series | Deez Memorial | 7-1 | BTFC | Nicoló (2), Mosley (2,3,4), Andersz (2,3,4), Benavides | 2-2 L2 |
| 1-6-2011 | Friendly | The Bakery | 0-1 | BTFC | Sampayo (1) 105' | 3-2 BTFC W3 |
| 3-7-2011 | Series | The Bakery | 3-0 | LL | Visentin (1), Carmo (1), Aranda (1) | 3-3 W1 |
| 3-10-2011 | Friendly | Deez Memorial | 2-0 | BTFC | Kansala (2), Lorion (2) | 4-3 BTFC W1 |
| 4-18-2011 | Series | Deez Memorial | 0-5 | LL | Ulstrup (1), Aranda (2), Koch (1), Ciesielski (1), Vahasaari (2) | 4-4 W1 |
| 6-6-2011 | Series | The Bakery | 3-0 | LL | Urner (3), Holmes (1), Koch (2) | 5-4 LL W2 |
| 7-7-2011 | Friendly | The Bakery | 1-0 | LL | Ulstrup (2) | 6-4 LL W3 |
| 8-8-2011 | Series | The Bakery | 3-0 | LL | Lucas (1), Ciesielski (2), Visentin (2) | 7-4 LL W4 |
| 9-26-2011 | Series | Deez Memorial | 0-3 | LL | Lucas (2), Visentin (3), Urner (4) | 8-4 LL W5 |
| 10-27-2011 | Friendly | Deez Memorial | 3-1 | BTFC | Koch (3), Mosley (5), Swartz (1), Nasierowski (1) | 8-5 LL L1 |
| 12-8-2011 | Friendly | Deez Memorial | 0-2 | LL | Visentin (4), Benavides (1) | 9-5 LL W1 |
| 2-16-2012 | Friendly | The Bakery | 1-1 (3-4) | BTFC | Balsiger (2), Loeffen (1) | 9-6 LL L1 |
| 4-16-2012 | Tournament | Neutral | 3-0 | LL | Harman (2), Alvisi (1) | 10-6 LL W1 |
The Ronald Reagan Achievement Award
This award is given after each tournament to the oldest player to have scored a goal (and to have lived afterwards to tell about it).
Third Edition
A new low had occurred in 48 as the teams played just once. Tensions were high in this tournament game as the clubs understood the consequences. Gerard Harman took home the trophy in a 3-0 win, scoring 2 goals and a yellow.
| Player | Team | Yellows | Reds | Bonus (Goal + Card in same game) | Caused Injury | Total Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Gerard Harman | LL | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 2 |
| Eli Loeffen | BTFC | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 |
Second Edition
47 saw 2 matches of disappointing rage. Mikey Balsiger won the award despite being known for his relaxed, pot-smoking hippy-like ways with a meager 2 points.
| Player | Team | Yellows | Reds | Bonus (Goal + Card in same game) | Caused Injury | Total Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Mikey Balsiger | LL | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 2 |
| Tyree Swartz | BTFC | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 |
| Jason Fortier | LL | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 |
First Edition
The teams played 3 times as well this season, LL taking 2 of 3. Fans were enraged at the idea that Thibaud Lucas, Ryan Urner, and Tyree Swartz would have to share the award after receiving 2 points each, as the idea of sharing "goes against every single ideal and logic that the award stands for." Consequently, a new rule was in place, calling on the leading members of each fan group to have a knife fight to the death. The Yeast Army's Jason Alexander, also known as George from 90's sitcom "Seinfeld," was laid to rest later that day and now has a memorial outside The Bakery, LL's stadium. The trophy belonged to BTFC's Swartz.
| Player | Team | Age at finish of Tournament | Total Goals |
|---|---|---|---|
| Jorge Raúl Miguel Marín | Spartan Curbstomp F.C. | 33.67 | 5 |
