Tight Butthole Republic
 The first edition of the trophy, before it was eventually awarded to inaugural winners Spartan Curbstomp F.C. | |
| First Match | 05.14.2012 |
| Country |  USA
|
| Region | Pennsylvania |
| Zone | North America |
| Hosts | Battle Toads FC & LOAF'S LOAFS |
The Tight Butthole Republic is an American Tournament originating in Pennsylvania, more specifically in the suburban-Philadelphia area. The tournament is currently in its Third Edition as of 09.27.2012. It is internationally known as the toughest, most physical tournament of its kind, as many teams rarely choose to come back for a second try. The first season was marred by an advertising mishap, as Russian airline company Rossiya accidentally wrote the word "Sh**" seven times in their ad appearing on the side of the field. After this the tournament has moved on successfully, only accepting local advertisers.
History
There have been 3 editions of the TBR to date.
- Edition 1 winner: Spartan Curbstomp F.C.
- Edition 2 winner: Greater Poe FC
- Edition 3 winner: TBD
Statistics
| Team | Appearances in TBR | Total Points (not including knockout) | Total Wins (including knockout) | Total Draws (including knockout) | Total Losses (including knockout) | GF | GA | Best Finish |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Battle Toads FC | 3 | 19 | 6 | 1 | 2 | 11 | 6 | Semifinals (2nd Edition) |
| LOAF'S LOAFS | 3 | 3 | 0 | 3 | 5 | 11 | 19 | Group Stages |
| Swansea Denver AFC | 2 | 10 | 3 | 1 | 2 | 13 | 11 | Semifinals (1st Edition) |
| Amaral FC | 2 | 8 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 12 | 15 | Finals (1st Edition) |
| Gaagii | 1 | 7 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 16 | 18 | Finals (2nd Edition) |
| Greater Poe FC | 1 | 6 | 4 | 0 | 1 | 12 | 7 | Champions (2nd Edition) |
| The Royal Bengals | 1 | 6 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 8 | 5 | Semifinals (2nd Edition) |
| Nida Miechow | 1 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 8 | Group Stages |
| Celtic Eagles FC | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 6 | Group Stages |
| FC ETBU | 1 | 7 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 8 | 6 | Semifinals (Edition 1) |
| Spartan Curbstomp FC | 1 | 5 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 20 | 8 | Champions (Edition 1) |
| RC Indiana | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 4 | 10 | Group Stages |
| Rio Grande Defenders FC | 1 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 7 | 16 | Group Stages |
| R.S.V. Hion | 1 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 1 | N/A |
| Toxic Rats | 1 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 4 | N/A |
| Middlesex Athletic | 1 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 5 | N/A |
| S.I. Wildcats | 1 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 6 | 6 | N/A |
| Saranac 1888s | 1 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 5 | N/A |
Points System
Teams will be awarded points for their participation in editions of the TBR. Every 10 seasons, The Willis Hong Perfect Human Being Award will be given to the team that has the highest total in such a period. The points system is as follows:
- 1 point for each edition played
- 2 points for a win
- -.5 for a loss
- .5 for a draw
- .1 for every goal scored
- 1 for qualification past group stages
- 3 for semifinal win
- 7 for championship
(Teams listed will only appear on rankings if they have played more than one season)
| Team | Edition 1 | Edition 2 | Edition 3 | Total Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Battle Toads FC | 3.2 | 8.6 | 5.3 | 17.1 |
| Amaral FC | 7.4 | 3.5 | 0 | 10.9 |
| Swansea Denver AFC | 8.9 | 0 | 1.2 | 10.1 |
| LOAF'S LOAFS | 2.1 | -.2 | 1.2 | 3.1 |
The Zack Galifianakis Effort Award
For the teams who tried, but simply just didn't put fans in the seats (least amount of points accumulated in group play)
Third Edition
Still in Progress***
| Team | Points | Goal Differential | Goals For |
|---|---|---|---|
| TBD | 0 | 0 | 0 |
Second Edition
| Team | Points | Goal Differential | Goals For |
|---|---|---|---|
| LOAF'S LOAFS | 0 | -6 | 3 |
First Edition
| Team | Points | Goal Differential | Goals For |
|---|---|---|---|
| RC Indiana | 0 | -6 | 4 |
The Teddy Roosevelt Big Stick Award
Introduced for the first time in Edition 3, this award is given to the player that has accumulated the highest combination of Red and Yellow cards.
Red cards being worth 3 points, and Yellow cards being worth 1. There is also a 1 point bonus for scoring in the same match that you received a card, as well as 3 points awarded for instigating an injury.
Edition 3
| Player | Team | Yellows | Reds | Bonus (Goal + Card in same game) | Caused Injury | Total Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Peer Hansen | LOAF'S LOAFS | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 |
| Andrej Myslik | Saranac 1888s | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 |
The Ronald Reagan Achievement Award
This award is given after each tournament to the oldest player to have scored a goal (and to have lived afterwards to tell about it).
- Note: A player must be at least 25 years of age at tournament's end to qualify.
Third Edition
Still in Progress***
| Player | Team | Age at finish of tournament | Total Goals |
|---|---|---|---|
| Luís Alberto Valenca | R.S.V Hion | 31.88 | 1 |
| Lutomysl Nasierowski | BTFC | 25.25 | 1 |
Second Edition
| Player | Team | Age at finish of tournament | Total Goals |
|---|---|---|---|
| Pascual López | Gaagii | 29.38 | 5 |
First Edition
| Player | Team | Age at finish of Tournament | Total Goals |
|---|---|---|---|
| Jorge Raúl Miguel Marín | Spartan Curbstomp F.C. | 33.67 | 5 |
