Tight Butthole Republic
![]() The first edition of the trophy, before it was eventually awarded to inaugural winners Spartan Curbstomp F.C. | |
| First Match | 05.14.2012 |
| Country | |
| Region | Pennsylvania |
| Zone | North America |
| Hosts | Battle Toads FC & LOAF'S LOAFS |
The Tight Butthole Republic is an American
Tournament originating in Pennsylvania, more specifically in the suburban-Philadelphia area. The tournament is currently in its Sixth Edition as of 1.14.2013. It is internationally known as the toughest, most physical tournament of its kind, as many teams rarely choose to come back for a second try. The first season was marred by an advertising mishap, as Russian airline company Rossiya accidentally wrote the word "Sh**" seven times in their ad appearing on the side of the field. After this the tournament has moved on successfully, only accepting local advertisers.
History
There have been 3 editions of the TBR to date.
- Edition 1 winner: Spartan Curbstomp F.C.
- Edition 2 winner: Greater Poe FC
- Edition 3 winner: Middlesex Athletic
- Edition 4 winner: Uniao de Araras
- Edition 5 winner: Lockport Jetz
Statistics
So far 25 different teams have taken part in the TBR. (Last Updated upon completion Edition 6 Semifinals)
| Team | Appearances in TBR | Total Points (not including knockout) | Total Wins (including knockout) | Total Draws (including knockout) | Total Losses (including knockout) | GF | GA | Best Finish |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Battle Toads FC | 6 | 30 | 10 | 3 | 9 | 24 | 27 | Finals (3rd Edition) |
| LOAF'S LOAFS | 6 | 27 | 10 | 3 | 9 | 45 | 36 | Finals (4/6th Edition) |
| Swansea Denver AFC | 5 | 28 | 10 | 1 | 6 | 41 | 34 | Finals (5th Edition) |
| Saranac 1888s | 4 | 12 | 4 | 0 | 9 | 24 | 38 | Semifinals (3rd) |
| Toxic Rats | 4 | 23 | 8 | 2 | 4 | 42 | 28 | Finals (6th) |
| Amaral FC | 2 | 8 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 12 | 15 | Finals (1st Edition) |
| Lockport Jetz | 2 | 13 | 6 | 1 | 2 | 23 | 15 | Champions (5th Edition) |
| R.S.V. Hion | 2 | 4 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 3 | 9 | Group Stages (3rd) |
| Gaagii | 1 | 7 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 16 | 18 | Finals (2nd Edition) |
| Greater Poe FC | 1 | 6 | 4 | 0 | 1 | 12 | 7 | Champions (2nd Edition) |
| The Royal Bengals | 1 | 6 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 8 | 5 | Semifinals (2nd Edition) |
| Nida Miechow | 1 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 8 | Group Stages |
| Celtic Eagles FC | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 6 | Group Stages |
| FC ETBU | 1 | 7 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 8 | 6 | Semifinals (Edition 1) |
| Spartan Curbstomp FC | 1 | 5 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 20 | 8 | Champions (Edition 1) |
| RC Indiana | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 4 | 10 | Group Stages |
| Rio Grande Defenders FC | 1 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 7 | 16 | Group Stages |
| Middlesex Athletic | 1 | 4 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 11 | 5 | Champions (3rd) |
| S.I. Wildcats | 1 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 9 | 11 | Group Stages (3rd) |
| Uniao de Araras | 1 | 6 | 4 | 0 | 1 | 17 | 9 | Champions (4th) |
| Quad Amputees | 1 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 4 | Group Play (4th) |
| SCV Crave | 1 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 5 | 12 | Group Stages (5th) |
| SinaloaP4P | 1 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 5 | 15 | Group Stages (5th) |
| WATB | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 4 | 13 | Group Stages (6th) |
| Cleveland Force | 1 | 6 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 7 | 6 | Semifinals (6th) |
Points System
Teams will be awarded points for their participation in editions of the TBR. Every 10 seasons, The Willis Hong Perfect Human Being Award will be given to the team that has the highest total in such a period. The points system is as follows:
- 1 point for each edition played
- 2 points for a win
- -.5 for a loss
- .5 for a draw
- .1 for every goal scored
- -.1 for every goal against (from 5th edition on)
- 1 for qualification past group stages
- 3 for semifinal win
- 7 for championship
(Teams listed will only appear on rankings if they have played more than one season)
| Team | Edition 1 | Ed. 2 | Ed. 3 | Ed. 4 | Ed. 5 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Swansea Denver AFC | 8.9 | 0 | 3.7 | 8.5 | 8.2 | 29.3 |
| Battle Toads FC | 3.2 | 8.6 | 9.5 | .6 | 5.1 | 27.0 |
| LOAF'S LOAFS | 2.1 | -.2 | 4.1 | 8.9 | 4.6 | 19.5 |
| Lockport Jetz | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 17.4 | 17.4 |
| Toxic Rats | 0 | 0 | 1.9 | 5.8 | 6.8 | 14.5 |
| Amaral FC | 7.4 | 3.5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 10.9 |
| Saranac 1888s | 0 | 0 | 5.7 | 2.4 | -.9 | 7.2 |
| R.S.V. Hion | 0 | 0 | 2.1 | .6 | 0 | 2.7 |
The Zack Galifianakis Effort Award
For the teams who tried, but simply just didn't put fans in the seats (least amount of points accumulated in group play)
Sixth Edition
| Team | Points | Goal Differential | Goals For |
|---|---|---|---|
| WATB | 0 | -9 | 4 |
Fifth Edition
| Team | Points | Goal Differential | Goals For |
|---|---|---|---|
| Saranac 1888s | 0 | -4 | 5 |
Fourth Edition
| Team | Points | Goal Differential | Goals For |
|---|---|---|---|
| Battle Toads FC | 1 | -5 | 1 |
Third Edition
| Team | Points | Goal Differential | Goals For |
|---|---|---|---|
| Toxic Rats | 2 | -1 | 4 |
Second Edition
| Team | Points | Goal Differential | Goals For |
|---|---|---|---|
| LOAF'S LOAFS | 0 | -6 | 3 |
First Edition
| Team | Points | Goal Differential | Goals For |
|---|---|---|---|
| RC Indiana | 0 | -6 | 4 |
Top Scorers By Edition
Edition 1
| Player | Team | Goals |
|---|---|---|
| Jorge Raúl Miguel Marín | Spartan Curbstomp FC | 5 |
Edition 2
| Player | Team | Goals |
|---|---|---|
| Tom Richards | Greater Poe FC | 6 |
Edition 3
| Player | Team | Goals |
|---|---|---|
| Frederic Busquets | LOAF'S LOAFS | 3 |
| Edu Franqueza | Swansea Denver AFC | 3 |
| Henry Nesbitt | Swansea Denver AFC | 3 |
Edition 4
| Player | Team | Goals |
|---|---|---|
| Rodrigo Gonzàlez | Uniao de Araras | 6 |
Edition 6
| Player | Team | Goals |
|---|---|---|
| Stoffel Vrede | Battle Toads FC | 4 |
| Christian Stagi | Toxic Rats | 4 |
| David Casabuena | Lockport Jetz | 4 |
| Gonzalo Pineda | Lockport Jetz | 4 |
The Teddy Roosevelt Big Stick Award
Introduced for the first time in Edition 3, this award is given to the player that has accumulated the highest combination of Red and Yellow cards.
Red cards being worth 3 points, and Yellow cards being worth 1. There is also a 1 point bonus for scoring in the same match that you received a card, as well as 3 points awarded for instigating an injury.
Edition 3
Look at the extended results on the 3rd Edition page
| Player | Team | Yellows | Reds | Bonus (Goal + Card in same game) | Caused Injury | Total Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Coen Zeeuws | Saranac 1888s | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 4 |
| Jacó do Vale | Toxic Rats | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 |
The Ronald Reagan Achievement Award
This award is given after each tournament to the oldest player to have scored a goal (and to have lived afterwards to tell about it).
- Note: A player must be at least 25 years of age at tournament's end to qualify.
Third Edition
| Player | Team | Age at finish of tournament | Total Goals |
|---|---|---|---|
| Luís Alberto Valenca | R.S.V Hion | 31.88 | 1 |
Second Edition
| Player | Team | Age at finish of tournament | Total Goals |
|---|---|---|---|
| Pascual López | Gaagii | 29.38 | 5 |
First Edition
| Player | Team | Age at finish of Tournament | Total Goals |
|---|---|---|---|
| Jorge Raúl Miguel Marín | Spartan Curbstomp F.C. | 33.67 | 5 |



