LOAF'S LOAFS Season 51
The LOAF'S LOAFS Unofficial Logo, featuring its slogan "LONG LIVE THE LOAF," also known simply as "LLTL"
|Rival||Battle Toads FC|
|Fan club||The Yeast Army (2221 Fans as of 18/01/13)|
|Home Match Kits|
|Home Match Kits|
|Current Coach||Andrey Stoyanov|
This is the page for Season 51 of USA club LOAF'S LOAFS, which started on January 24th, 2013 with the first round of US Open Cup matches. The team started the season in 1st place in V.54 (USA), as it had finished there the season before. By the end of the season, the team secured a first place finish, going 12-0-2 in series play for a combined 36 points. LOAFS then played a qualification game against division IV.23 team FC Noe, winning 3-2 and promoting. As a whole, the team went 18-0-3 on the season, reaching the 6th round of the US Open Cup and winning the qualification game.
- 1 Season 51
- 2 Schedule
- 3 Statistics
- 4 Best Squad
- 5 Team of the Week
- 6 Series Table
|Season||League||US Open Cup||Trophies||Top goalscorer||Goals|
|51||1st place in V.54||6th Rd||Guido Alvisi||6|
|beisuesteakul1982||Cup||beisuesteakul1982||0-6||Adv. to 2nd rd||Dobson, Caneva (2), Busquets (2), Alvisi|
The wind was strong on the night of January 24th, as the smell of whiskey in a moderately-sized flask keeping LOAF supporters warm was prevalent as they made the road trip to Montana for the first match of the season. Eager to start the season off on the right foot, the game was stopped 35 seconds in as a naked LL supporter (later identified as Lance Bass from 'N Sync) ran onto the field, stole the ball from a dribbling Abel Johnson, and ran out of the stadium alà Forest Gump. He was later found in Helena, the state's capital, singing in a karaoke bar, still naked.
The team went on to score 6 goals and hold possession for 89% of the match (the 11% happened generally when star Guido Alvisi stopped to take pictures with admiring fans). As the 89th minute counted upwards to 90, black wingback Tristan Elroy subbed himself out and was seen sipping on a 40 ounce malt liquor while making his way to the locker room.
The third goal of this match, scored by Tiziano Caneva, was the 500th goal in LOAF'S club history.
|FC Deich||Series||The Bakery||6-0||1-0 (1st)||Balsiger, Lessmeister (2), Busquets, Alvisi (2)|
Controversy was high as perennial egg-laying FC Deich came to town. While the manager had set a lineup this time around (unlike last season), an injury in the 5th minute to a Deich midfielder left the team in shambles. LOAF'S ended up winning 71% of possession and never looked back, blasting home 6 goals. After the 79', old-timer Emmerich Lessmeister, upon scoring his 2nd of the match, ran around the field 3 times in search of a fan willing to give him a beer. After finally finding, and chugging, said Michelob Light, Lessmeister immediately pissed it all out all over away team manager Hakan Jorgensson's playbook, yelling in his thick German accent "Oktoberfest came early this year, jerkoffs." He then preceeded to skip his way into the locker room, and, as of a week later, hasn't been seen since.
|Truelav||Cup||Airstad||1-5||Adv. to 3rd rd||Caneva, Balsiger, Engelen, Lessmeister (2)|
The B squad fought there way to a tough 5-1 win against series VI Truelav. Afterwards, Coach Stoyanov awarded the team with orange slices that he had bought from the local bodega around the corner. After midfielder Cary Dobson was taken to the hospital due to suffering severe seizures, it was further investigated and discovered that the orange slices were, in fact, lemons.
|Spring Arbor FC||Series||The Cougar Den||0-3||2-0, 1st place in V.54||Balsiger, A. Johnson (2)|
The LOAFS had a history of unsuccessful ventures against Spring coming into this match, so The Yeast Army showed up in full force in Michigan with fly swatters, as "Beat the Pests" was the motto, and a lot more than just pests were beat down during the pregame tailgate. Winger Abel Johnson, hearing for the first time his very own song that the fans tributed to him, scored his first ever career LL goal, and then went on to score another in ensuring a 3-0 win.
|KinKa F.C||Cup||Tyufuru F.C||0-3||Advance to 4th Rd||Lessmeister, Balsiger, Busquets|
The 3rd round came and went for LOAFS, as they traveled to California to take on American Somoa team KinKa F.C, who did some sort of wild tribal dance at center field before the game in hopes of throwing off the LL players, who most certainly were not shaken. Particularly Darryl Wilks, who is openly part-Native American and donates a third of his salary to the non-profit organization "TLIOL: This Land Is Our Land", a group with sole intentions of slowly and violently overtaking the continental US using guerrilla warfare tactics. The match was won 3-0, as Lessmeister continued his top form, scoring his 5th goal in as many games.
|Red Ants FC||Series||The Bakery||3-1||3-0 (Drop to 2nd place)||Caneva, Elroy, Alvisi|
The Yeast Army will forever remember this date for both glorious and devastating reasons. First, the fans came out to set a LL franchise record 39,519 supporters due to an arena renovation creating 45,100 seats. The nearly 6,000 empty seats, however, came at a cost, as the shotty contracting work led to an entire section collapsing and an ensuing lawsuit filed against contractors DNB roofing, with headquarters in Chinatown, NYC. Around 4,200 were injured in the collapse, whereas the other 1,800 hadn't made it to their seats yet due to an altercation in the parking lot with Red Ants FC fans, as one visiting fan shouted "We're all over your bread, bro!" which led to an eventual walkoff in the nearby abbandoned warehouse, which owners regret having passed on when asked to knock it down, citing that the money would be used for a stripper pole in the owner's box. The team won the match 3-1.
|Striving Knights||Cup||The Bakery||3-1||Advance to 5th round||Caneva, A. Johnson, Brunner|
LOAF'S, again setting a record crowd, also advanced to the 5th round of the U.S. Cup for the first time in its history. The historic season only continued to outdue itself.
|FC Alcon||Series||Chicago Fire Stadium||1-2||4-0 (2nd Place)||Busquets, Caneva|
What else is new.
|Nude Sheep||Cup||The Bakery||2-1||Advance to 6th Round||Alvisi, Lessmeister|
|KARACAS FC||Series||The Bakery||2-0||5-0 (2nd Place)||Lessmeister, A. Johnson|
|beisuesteakul1982, VI.450||01/24/13||Cup||beisuesteakul1982 Arena||10,737 (12,000)||0-6||w||Dobson, Caneva (2), Busquets (2), Alvisi|
|FC Deich, V.54||01/28/13||Series||The Bakery||38,053 (39,200)||6-0||W||Balsiger, Lessmeister (2), Busquets, Alvisi (2)|
|Trulav FC, VI.78||01/31/13||Cup||Airstad||12,010 (12,010)||1-5||w||Caneva, Balsiger, Engelen, Lessmesiter (2)|
|Spring Arbor FC||02/04/13||Series||The Cougar Den||19,448 (27,700)||0-3||w||Balsiger, A. Johnson (2)|
|KinKa F.C||02/07/13||Cup||Tyufuru F.C||35,821 (41,000)||0-3||w||Lessmeister, Balsiger, Busquets|
|Red Ants FC||02/11/13||Series||The Bakery||39,519 (45,100)||3-1||W||Caneva, Elroy, Alvisi|
|Striving Knights||02/14/13||Cup||The Bakery||43,932 (45,100)||3-1||W||Caneva, A. Johnson, Brunner|
|FC Alcon||02/18/13||Series||Chicago Fire||16,998 (34,290)||1-2||w||Busquets, Caneva|
|Nude Sheep||02/21/13||Cup||The Bakery||40,022 (45,100)||2-1||W||Alvisi, Lessmeister|
|KARACAS FC||02/25/13||Series||The Bakery||44,142 (45,100)||2-0||W||Lessmeister, A. Johnson|
|Sleeping Dragons FC||02/28/13||Cup||The Bakery||44,833 (45,100)||0-4||L|
|Poononyou||03/04/13||Series||Forever||23,970 (27,055)||1-2||w||Lessmeister, Elroy|
|Gate 13||03/11/13||Series||The Bakery||45,020 (45,100)||4-2||W||Balsiger x2, Elroy, Irvin|
|Gate 13||03/18/13||Series||Green Hell Arena||32371 (34,350)||3-2||l||Lessmeister, Wilks|
|Poononyou||03/25/13||Series||The Bakery||44,554 (45,100)||1-0||W||Alvisi|
|KARACAS FC||04/01/13||Series||THE GIANT ARENA||24,934 (30,250)||0-4||w||Dobson x2, Wilks, Alvisi|
|FC Alcon||04/08/13||Series||The Bakery||45,083 (45,100)||3-0||W||Caneva, A. Johnson, Balsiger|
|Red Ants FC||04/15/13||Series||The Ant Hill||21,185||2-1||l||Alvisi|
|Spring Arbor FC||04/22/13||Series||The Bakery||44,965 (45,100)||1-0||W||Caneva|
|FC Deich||04/29/13||Series||Thunderdome||21,651||5-0 (W/O)||w||N/A|
|FC Noe||05/06/13||Qualifier||Alvarado Arena||43,312||2-3||w||Caneva, A. Johnson, Dobson|
|1||GK||Russ Werewolf Fontaine||21||0||14||0||7||0|
|69||WI||Luis Carlos Acero||5||0||4||0||1||0|
- Golden Loaf: Emmerich Lessmeister, 9 times man of the match.
- LVP: Scott Johnson, 5 time disappointment
- Top Scorer: Emmerich Lessmeister, 9 goals (5+4)
- Top Defender: Russ Werewolf Fontaine, 10 clean sheets
- Friendly Player of the Year: Ryan Urner
Below are the best ratings received by an LL player during the season
Team of the Week
Every week, series V.54 commissioner Matt Damon announces the top XI of the previous week. Here are some LL honors
Winger: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Winger: 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Central Defender: 2
- Central Defender: 5
- Inner Midfielder: 6, 7, 10
Forward: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9, 10
Forward: 2, 3, 4, 6, 7
- Inner Midfielder: 1, 2, 8, 9, 10
- Central Defender: 3, 4
Inner Midfielder: 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
Wingback: 7, 8, 9, 10
Wingback: 7, 8, 10
Central Defender: 8, 10
LL plays it's 5th season in Series V.54 (USA). It finished 47, 48, and 49 in 4th, 3rd, and 3rd, respectively, and is defending champions after winning season 50.
|3.||Spring Arbor FC||0||0||0||0||0||0||0||0|
|8.||Red Ants FC||0||0||0||0||0||0||0||0|
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|Season 50<<||Season 51||>>Season 52|