LOAF'S LOAFS

LOAF'S LOAFS (228010)

The LOAF'S LOAFS Unofficial Logo, featuring its slogan "LONG LIVE THE LOAF," also known simply as "LLTL"
Birthdate	08.10.2010
Country	USA
Region	Pennsylvania
Zone	North America
Stadium	The Bakery
Rival	Battle Toads FC
Fan club	The Yeast Army (2526 Fans as of 05/19/13)
League	IV.23 (USA)
Home Match Kits
Home Match Kits
Current Coach	Andrey Stoyanov (1/8/13 - )
Past Coaches	George Strange (08/10/10 - 12/24/10) Tom Frisch (12/24/10 - 11/2/11) Terencjusz "Terrence" Myszko (Since 11/2/11 - 1/8/13)

LOAF'S LOAFS is an American soccer club originating in Pennsylvania, more specifically in the suburban-Philadelphia area. It plays its home games at The Bakery in Series IV.23 (USA). The team's only rival is Battle Toads FC (BTFC). Scarves and bottle openers are available at our online store for painfully high prices.

The team also plays co-host to the Tight Butthole Republic, a tournament of 16 teams.

The Loaf

How it all went down

LOAF'S LOAFS came about as its founder/creator was eating a large, slightly burnt, and extremely tasty sandwich in his dorm room during his senior year of college. Upon completion of the sandwich, he initially wanted to buy his own team in Italy's Lega Pro Prima Divisione from his savings mowing lawns during the summer, but figured HT would be a good, slightly less risky indicator as to whether he could do it in real life, too

Current squad

As of June 29th, 2015 Statistics shown for LL matches only

No.	Nat	Pos	Player	Total		Series		Cup
				Apps	Goals	Apps	Goals	Apps	Goals
1		DF	August Hutchinson	3	2	3	2	0	0
10		CD	Cary Dobson	200	51	163	34	37	17
14		DF	Stuart Overton	81	37	60	24	21	13
16		WI	Abel Johnson	142	33	116	16	26	17
17		CD	Steve Irvin	133	26	102	20	31	6
19		MF	Juan Jesús Zarzalejos	95	22	80	22	15	0
22		DF	Ryan Connelly	3	0	0	0	3	0
25		IM	Mikey Balsiger	217	55	177	48	40	7
32		FW	Orville Donovan	4	4	0	0	4	4
35		CD	Anton Eisenfuss	18	5	0	0	18	5
43		DF	Jim Cerkovnik	37	14	11	2	26	12
46		WB	Johnnie Valentine	41	10	10	3	31	7
50		WB	Tristan Elroy	122	29	88	18	34	11
63		FW	Enoch Cheek	97	77	86	61	11	16
69		WI	Luis Carlos Acero	118	26	94	18	24	8
83		FW	Emmerich Lessmeister	151	79	114	59	37	20
84		MF	Salvatore Waldhauser	2	0	1	0	1	0
91		WB	Kendrick Brunner	136	30	105	20	31	10
93		GK	Dominik Warot	28	0	23	0	5	0
95		MF	Jerry Hood	34	21	7	4	27	17
98		DF	Andràs Uhlir	11	5	7	4	4	1 Retired Numbers Niklas Koch: 1-26-2011 to 10-23-2012 (HOF) Guido Alvisi: 6-1-2011 - 07-29-2013 (Transferred) Emil Jopek: 1-22-2012 - 10-2-2012 (Transferred) Peer Hansen: 7-13-2011 - 11-14-2012 (Transferred) Ryan Urner: 8-27-2010 - 08-31-2013 (HOF) No. Nat Pos Player Total Series Cup Apps Goals Apps Goals Apps Goals 1 GK Russ Werewolf Fontaine 177 0 144 0 33 0 3 WB Peer Hansen 75 16 60 12 15 4 20 IM Guido Alvisi 114 31 94 27 20 4 89 FW Niklas Koch 46 42 40 40 6 2 98 FW Emil Jopek 32 20 26 18 6 2 99 FW Ryan Urner 91 59 75 55 16 4 Other Notable Players Jason Fortier: 2-14-2012 - 11-5-2012 (Transferred) Àlex Jové: 1-22-2012 - 12-3-2012 (Transferred) Edgar Engelen: 7-16-2011 - 2-27-2013 (Transferred) Fredric "Zorro" Busquets: 3-29-2012 - 4-4-2013 (Transferred) Derryl Wilks: 8-7-2012 - 6-26-2013 (Transferred) Scott Johnson: 9-16-2012 - 8-5-2013 (Transferred) Tiziano Caneva: 10-29-2012 - 6-26-2013 (Transferred) Terencjusz Myszko: 8-18-2010 - 2-13-2013 (HOF) Miroslav Zerak: 3-10-2011 - 9-16-2013 (HOF) No. Nat Pos Player Total Series Cup Apps Goals Apps Goals Apps Goals 13 WI Jason Fortier 37 7 26 3 11 4 86 FW Àlex Jové 32 20 25 13 7 7 31 CD Edgar Engelen 95 12 74 9 21 3 63 WI Frederic Busquets 58 22 43 13 15 9 4 CD Darryl Wilks 40 12 25 10 15 2 9 WB Scott Johnson 24 0 12 0 12 0 43 FW Tiziano Caneva 36 20 28 14 8 6 CO Terencjusz Myszko 42 4 37 3 5 1 53 GK Miroslav Zerak 35 0 25 0 10 0 Leading Scorers Bold indicates on active roster. Updated 22/2/14 Player Goals Emmerich Lessmeister 72 Enoch Cheek 62 Ryan Urner 59 Mikey Balsiger 52 Cary Dobson 46 Niklas Koch 42 Guido Alvisi 31 Kendrick Brunner 28 Stuart Overton 28 Abel Johnson 25 Tristan Elroy 23 Frederic "Zorro" Busquets 22 Emil Jopek 20 Àlex Jové 20 Tiziano Caneva 20 Raised in this team Please visit LOAF'S LITTLE LOAFS for extended information on the LOAFS youth academy and all of its major products. LOAF'S LOAFS Hall of Fame Click on above link to find: LOAFS list of Hall of Fame players Biographies and/or extended discussion on star LOAFS players Flag Collection Home Arena The Bakery has hosted teams from 16 of 128 countries. Away LOAF'S LOAFS has visited 49 of 128 countries. The Derby See Tight Butthole Derby for more information on the riveting PA derby. History Career Head to Head Team Total wins Total wins Team 20 16 Conflict A total of 26 lives have been lost during the constant feuding that revolves around a LL - BTFC confrontation. A memorial is dedicated to those lost during what has been coined as "The Tight Butthole Derby," located in Tempe, Arizona. The memorial receives over 1 million visitors yearly in what has been called "The most tragic of all sports rivalries" by Sports Illustrated. Tight Butthole Republic Voted by participating members as the most prolific tournament in Hattrick. Below are the LOAF'S performances: Season Contestants Place W D L GF GA GD 1 8 6th 0 2 1 6 7 -1 2 8 8th 0 0 3 3 9 -6 3 8 4th 1 1 2 6 4 +2 4 8 2nd 3 0 2 14 8 +6 5 8 5th 2 0 1 5 4 +1 6 8 2nd 4 0 1 10 4 +6 7 16 1st 6 0 0 16 7 +9 8 16 1st 5 0 1 22 7 +15 9 16 2nd 3 1 2 13 7 +6 10 16 1st 5 0 1 20 5 +15 11 16 9th 1 0 2 11 11 +0 12 16 8th 1 1 2 6 6 +0 13 16 1st 5 1 0 17 9 +8 Season Breakdowns History Season League Pos Pts Pld W D L GF GA GD CUP Top scorer 43 VI.766 4th 23 14 7 2 5 45 33 +12 1st Ryan Urner 8 44 VI.766 3rd 31 14 10 1 3 63 15 +48 2nd Ryan Urner 16 45 VI.766 2nd 39 14 13 0 1 88 7 +81 1st Ryan Urner/Niklas Koch 16 46 VI.766 1st 42 14 14 0 0 87 6 +81 2nd Niklas Koch 21 47 V.54 4th 22 14 6 4 4 19 20 -1 3rd Ryan Urner/Thibaud Lucus 3 48 V.54 3rd 28 14 9 1 4 44 20 +24 4th Àlex Jové 11 49 V.54 3rd 30 14 10 0 4 48 17 +31 4th Fredric Busquets/Emil Jopek 8 50 V.54 1st 31 14 9 4 1 35 4 +31 4th Tiziano Caneva 9 51 V.54 1st 36 14 12 0 2 39 10 +29 6th Guido Alvisi 6 52 IV.23 6th 14 14 4 2 8 18 26 -8 3rd Emmerich Lessmeister 3 53 IV.23 4th 20 14 5 5 4 29 25 +4 3rd Enoch Cheek 7 54 IV.23 2nd 29 14 9 2 3 26 9 +17 3rd Enoch Cheek 7+6 55 IV.23 1st 40 14 13 1 0 90 6 +84 4th Emmerich Lessmeister 16+4 Totals VI.766 135 56 44 3 9 283 61 +222 2-4 Totals V.54 147 71 47 9 15 188 73 +115 16-5 Totals IV.23 103 56 31 10 15 145 69 +76 9-4 Totals 385 225 143 22 53 815 279 +536 25-13 Emmerich Lessmeister 60 Season 43 Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals 43 4th in VI.766 1st round none Ryan Urner 8 Season 43 started out "with a bang", as quoted by first-ever team captain/raging alcoholic Lee Ernest. I don't think he was referring to the actual soccer season. The team battled with injuries and shared women as conflict swept through the locker room quicker than the team's rare strand of herpes. The "C" was stripped from Goalkeeper Ernest and given to Terencjusz "Terrence" Myszko, who served as captain for next 2 seasons. The team finished a morbid but eager 4th place, with an aggregate of +22 goals and 23 points, but a disappointing 2nd leg loss in "The Derby" as LL got mopped up and swatted away by cross-town rivals, Battle Toads FC. Season 44 Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals 44 3rd in VI.766 2nd round none Ryan Urner 16 LL added key young components to its midfield as well as a new coach in Swiss (cheese) phenom Tom Frisch. Absolute mayhem swept the streets of LOAFVILLE, PA as the team took the 1st round of the US Open Cup in stunning yet controversial fashion. In the 27' against Bluesters United, a streaker was seen running across the field, but refs refused to blow the whistle. Rafa Aranda took advantage of this mishap and netted a goal to go up 3-0, which was even too big for LL to blow. A modest 3rd place, 31 point finish was in store for season 44, again splitting against rival BTFC, but winning its last 2 games against BTFC and perennial league VI giant/assgoblin UM Terps. What would 45 have in store for the Loaf... Season 45 Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals 45 2nd in VI.766 1st round none Ryan Urner/Niklas Koch 16 Season 45 started in the shitter and ended...in the shitter. The team cruised most of the season, taking the all-important 1-2 matchup at UM Terps and entering the second half of the season ready to host the same team. The manager, unfortunately, forgot to show up because he entered a bar just 3 hours prior to gametime and did not come out until a week later. The team dropped the ever-decisive match, and therefore finished the season in a tie for first with UM Terps, but well behind in aggregate. Another season was yet in store for LL in this shitter of USA. Season 46 Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals 46 1st in VI.766 2nd round Niklas Koch 21 During the offseason, Middy great Mikael Ulstrap was sold off for more than $2 million to make way for the transfers of Peer Hansen and Edgar Engelen, 2 dominant young defenders who would go on to have shut down seasons, allowing a total of 6 goals (0 at home). FOCUS, preached Coach Frisch at the beginning of the season, and focus they did for 14 straight weeks. The table had been ran. LL pulled off the undefeated season. Aside from a 3-2 narrow victory in week 1, no team had come within 3 goals of defeating the series VI powerhouse. With an aggregate of +81, the team was directly promoted to series V.54, riding on the coattails of IMs Gualtiero Moneta, Johnny Visentin, and young Italian phenom Guido Avisi. Season 47 Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals 47 4th in V.54 3rd Round None Ryan Urner/Thibaud Lucas 3 The Yeast Army multiplied like bunnies during the offseason. After a 1st round win over a robot, LL management brought in 19 year old [Russ Fontaine] to main the gate, a position LL lacked since...the beginning of time. In its first contest ever in series V, LL took down other direct promotion opponent, Gate 13, in a 2-0 hard-fought away match. The team set another franchise milestone on November 10th, 2011 with a 1-0 (Hansen 76') victory at The Bakery against Terabytes, advancing to the 3rd round of the US Open Cup for the first time ever. On the weekend of week 2, LL's usual intra-team drama began. 19 year-old surfing entrepreneur Mikey Balsiger failed to throw out a used happy tissue and accidentally left it in front of Rafa Aranda's locker. This was seen by the team as a hate crime, and the team broke out into a fight; minorities vs. white people. After a week 2 win over yet another first-time series V team, LL improved to 2-0 on the season, shattering franchise records for consecutive wins as well as national rank, as seen below. In the final game of the season, in front of a sold out crowd at the Bakery, song writer/singer/international hunk Mike Posner performed his new single "Gettin' High at The Bakery" during the halftime spectacle. The team fought on unsuccessfully, losing 0-1 to drop to 4th place overall in their inaugural season in Series V. Season 48 Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals 48 3rd place in V.54 4th Round None Àlex Jové 11 Following a week 2 win over Jerkin It F.C., LL peaked at its highest ranking ever ((950), later broken as they ascended to 851)), as well as reaching the most successful ranking of any team started in week 1 of season 43. The team remained in first place for the first 6 weeks of the season, until being beaten in back-to-back matches by FC Deich, falling to 2nd and 3rd place in consecutive weeks. The team currently sits in 4th place following a string of poor performances. Season 49 Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals 49 3rd place in V.54 4th Round None Frederic Busquets/Emil Jopek 8 The team sandbagged through the first four weeks, winning just 1 match and losing the rest. After this, due to an inspirational speech by Coach Myszko written by Jeff Goldblum's housemaid, the team turned it around and managed to take the next 9 matches, staging a final week 14 matchup against 1st place San Marcos Revolutionaries. The match, on the road for LL, was a winner-take-all between first and second place. Rev's shot out to a 2-1 lead as 3 goals were scored in the first 9 minutes of the match, and at the half the teams went into the locker rooms at a 3-2 lead in favor of the Revs. In the 54th minute, the lead was widened to 4-2, and all the LOAF'S could manage was a 4-3 loss as the Cindarella run ended at the final minute. Season 50 Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals 50 1st place in V.54 4th Round Tiziano Caneva 9 See LOAF'S LOAFS Season 50 for more information. Season 51 Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals 51 1st place in V.54 6th Rd Guido Alvisi 6 See LOAF'S LOAFS Season 51 for more information. Season 52 Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals 52 6th place in IV.23 3rd Rd None Emmerich Lessmeister 3 See LOAF'S LOAFS Season 52 for more information. LOAF'S LOAFS Season 53 Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals 53 4th place in IV.23 3rd Round None Enoch Cheek 7+2 LOAF'S LOAFS Season 54 Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals 54 2nd place in IV.23 3rd None Enoch Cheek 7+6 LOAF'S LOAFS Season 55 Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals 55 1st place in IV.23 4th Emmerich Lessmeister 16+4 LOAF'S LOAFS Season 56 Season League US Open Cup Trophies Top goalscorer Goals 56 3rd place in IV.23 3rd Enoch Cheek 12+1 Thanks This page was originally created by RUKENT, thanks for his great work! Thanks to Unknown_Guy for his Wiki-CHPP application HT-Mess